Ubisoft to Striking Employees: Stay Home and Diversify Medieval Japan! 🤡
In an epic display of 21st-century management genius, Ubisoft has cracked the code on how to «promote creativity and teamwork»…
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🤯🎶Courtney Love + East 17: The Collab No One Asked For, But We’re Getting Anyway😂👀
In a twist of fate that absolutely no one saw coming — except maybe your aunt who still uses dial-up…
«Terrifier 3» Inspires Disney to Ditch Morals for Mayhem and Maniacs 👿🖤🎬
In an absolutely expected plot twist, Disney — yes, that family-friendly empire of talking animals and princesses — has decided…
🚫 No Words, No Problem! Call of Duty Voice Chat Now Squeaky Clean and DEI-Friendly 🤯
Breaking news from the warzone — the real battle isn’t against enemies on the map, but against mean words. Thanks…
Robert Smith’s Post-Retirement Plan? Monthly Country Albums with Chris Martin & Chad Kroeger! 🎸
In a jaw-dropping announcement, Robert Smith, the 65-year-old legendary frontman of The Cure, revealed that he plans to retire in…
BREAKING: After Ridley Scott Writes Eight Pages of «Gladiator 3» Script, Fans Respond With 100-Page Petition Begging Him to Stop
In a move that shocked absolutely no one but still left society emotionally unprepared, Ridley Scott has reportedly penned eight…
CD Projekt Red Goes Full Woke: All Future Games Feature DEI Characters Only!
In a shocking move that has sent shockwaves throughout the gaming community (and triggered more than a few internet meltdowns),…
Why we don’t write about sports — Behind Jackal.Today’s Sport-Free Zone
It’s no secret that the editorial board of Jackal.Today has a few strong convictions, and sports just doesn’t cut it.…
P Diddy Releases «Racist Anthems» Album, Claims It’s His «Apology to Society»
In a shocking turn of events, rapper and mogul P Diddy, currently embroiled in multiple lawsuits, has announced his decision…
Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!
Welcome to Jackal.Today, the pinnacle of advertising power where your brand’s dreams come true. Forget the rest—our advertising department is…