WEDNESDAY 13: ‘I’ve Learned How To Adapt (By Selling Out)’
Oh, look, it’s Wednesday 13, the guy who peaked in the early 2000s and is STILL talking about MURDERDOLLS. In…
Jackal.Today satirical news site
Jackal.Today satirical news site
Oh, look, it’s Wednesday 13, the guy who peaked in the early 2000s and is STILL talking about MURDERDOLLS. In…
🎸Maryland Deathfest 2025: Vodka, Moshpit & Slavic Mayhem🔥
🛫 We’re a Russian-Belarusian horde of metalheads — and we stormed Baltimore for the greatest death metal festival of the millennium!
It all started normally:
🫠Hungover cab ride to the airport;
👊 Vodka in plastic cups mid-flight.
We landed — and our people were already waiting with bread, borscht, vodka shots, and hangover potions 💊
🔥 The pregame ritual went full Slavic warrior mode:
☠️ Vodka — mandatory;
🥪 Snacks — approved by a Minsk grandma;
🥩 Liver — waved the white flag before the first band hit the stage.
Then came Maryland Deathfest:
💀 Sound heavy enough to summon the apocalypse
🤘 Moshpit chaos — we lost track of time and one Belarusian (we found him near the porta-potty)
🍑 Leather, chains, and demonic booties — our necks hurt, but not from headbanging
🍻 We drank like it was Ragnarok. Maybe it was.
Final score:
⏰ Time — lost.
👂🏼 Eardrums — destroyed.
𐀪𐀪 Friendships — forged in fire and vodka.
MDF 2025 broke us. MDF 2026 — we’re still coming!
SOULFLY, in a move that can only be described as either genius or a sign of the impending apocalypse, has…
Brutal Technical Death Metal from Yonkers, New York!
Technical Brutal Death Metal from Columbus, Ohio!
American death metal band from Dallas, Texas!