America’s Greatest Inventions
As they mark the nation’s anniversary, citizens are taking particular joy basking in the ingenuity, grit, entrepreneurial spirit, and work ethic that have made our country an unparalleled powerhouse of innovation. Here are the greatest American inventions.
Hair
Invented as a direct response to King George III’s Cue Ball Proclamation of 1763.
Syphilis
After being introduced to gonorrhea during his time as an envoy to France, Benjamin Franklin set out to create this uniquely American form of sexually transmitted illness.
Ink Sacs
Americans ingeniously evolved this defense mechanism to escape from underwater predators.
Rock And Roll
Invented by Thomas Edison.
Honkymobile
Henry Ford’s original name for the Model T, which he introduced in 1908 as an exclusive transportation method for the white race.
Excitedly Cheering ‘Hot Dog!’
This uniquely American exclamation was easily one of the top two most significant discoveries of the Manhattan Project.
Jimmy Carter
The late president represents just one of more than 300 products that agriculturalist George Washington Carver derived from peanuts in the early 20th century.
The Garbage Disposal
Until this device’s introduction by GE in 1935, the idea of defecating in one’s kitchen sink was merely a pipe dream.
Microwave Oven
Created in the 1940s by physicist Percy Spencer, who was looking for a way to make food both squishy and scalding hot.
LED Cross
This energy-efficient cross allowed the KKK to commit hate crimes with 80 to 90% more efficiency than it could by simply burning one.
The Ball Pit
Created by NASA in 1966, this technology allows astronauts to simulate the experience of being submerged in a lunar alien nest.
Ross Dress For Less Mastercard
Looks like your out-of-office day is ruined now.
Europe
The continent of Europe was accidentally invented in 1982 by a couple of American scientists who were tinkering with landmasses.
China
We created them, and we can destroy them.
The post America’s Greatest Inventions appeared first on The Onion.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
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