Dennis Hastert Dies
Disgraced former House Speaker Dennis Hastert has died at 84, the Republican having once been imprisoned for a hush…
Category: The Onion
Pros And Cons Of Using Peptides
Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and MAHA influencers have promoted the use of peptides, short-chain amino acids with…
Smiling, Unblinking Tom Cruise Just Wants To Know Why Nation Didn’t See ‘Digger’
WASHINGTON—Faced with a weekend of dismal ticket sales that ranked among the worst in the megastar’s career, a smiling, unblinking…
Congressional Candidate Has Different Wife For Campaigning In Rural Counties
DARLINGTON, OH—In an obvious attempt to appeal to the county’s different demographic, U.S. House of Representatives candidate Jim Richardson…
Trump Drops Bombshell Evidence Biden Actively Campaigned Against Him
WASHINGTON—During an address to the nation Tuesday in which he claimed to have obtained definitive proof that the election…
Baby Painted Purple For Vikings Game
The post Baby Painted Purple For Vikings Game appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical…
Chump To Receive No Compensation For Rescuing Children From Fire
The post Chump To Receive No Compensation For Rescuing Children From Fire appeared first on The Onion. Read More…
Letterboxd Holds Seance To Ask James Dean His 4 Favorite Movies
AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND—Holding hands in a circle as candles flickered and water glasses trembled, employees of film discovery platform…
Six Flags Closes X2 Roller Coaster Due To Brain Injuries
Six Flags Magic Mountain permanently closed its famous X2 roller coaster due to a history of riders incurring brain…
NBA Players Share The One Thing They’d Change About The League If They Were Commissioner For A Day
NBA Players Share The One Thing They’d Change About The League If They Were Commissioner For A Day As…