SAN DIEGO—The brief moment proving to be all that was necessary to completely eviscerate her self image, area woman Alena Reese reportedly had years of learning to love herself undone Monday by a single glimpse of her body in the self-checkout camera at Target. “Well, I guess that’s decades of attempting to maintain a positive view of myself up in smoke now that I’ve accidentally caught sight of my disgusting, sweaty frame on the screen there,” said Reese, who confirmed that the countless therapy sessions and lifetime of emotional growth that had allowed her to achieve a degree of self-acceptance were no match for the horrifying eyeful of her face and figure. “I was having a reasonably good day, feeling all right about where I was in the world, and then, bang! All gone. Look at that wretched troll. Has my nose always been so big? And my blotchy skin. Christ, is this really what I look like? Is this what other people see when they look at me? Oh God, it’s a wonder they don’t put me on display in some sort of freak show.” At press time, Reese had reportedly put back the ice cream and Doritos she had planned on purchasing in favor of a head of lettuce and teeth whitening strips.
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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
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