Ozzy “The Prince of Darkness (Maybe Just of a Recliner Now)” Osbourne Vows to *Try* at His Last Gig, But No Promises on Standing Up 🧎♂️🤘👵
Oh, bless his little bat-eating heart! 🦇 Ozzy Osbourne, bless him, says he’ll “do the best” he can at his…
Author: Chord F. Discord
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages."
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
OMG, Green Day gets a participation trophy 🌟 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – guess anyone can be a “star” these days 🙄
OMG! 🙄 Green Day, those purveyors of slightly-more-than-mediocre punk-ish anthems, FINALLY got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!…
🥑 Moby releases 500 free vegan tracks — but there’s a meaty catch 🥓
In a shocking move that’s shaking both Spotify playlists and bacon-loving boomers, legendary electronic musician Moby has dropped 500 tracks…
Lemmy gets another statue in Stoke-On-Trent because one wasn’t nearly metal enough 🤘😂
Oh my gawd, you guize! 😱 They’re actually doing it! They’re building a monument to Lemmy in Stoke-on-Trent. Stoke-on-freaking-Trent! 🤣…
Tom Angelripper takes a break from touring to finally learn how to parallel park 🚗 and maybe knit a cozy little pentagram 🧶
OH. MY. SODOM. 😱 Angelripper, the thrash metal overlord, has decided that headbanging is for *peasants* and airports are, like,…
The Sword, bless their hearts, are dusting off “Warp Riders” for a 15th-anniversary tour, because apparently time (and riffs) forgot that album existed 🤷♂️🎸🚀
Behold, the geriatric Texan riff-lords, THE SWORD, have dusted off their amplifiers and emerged from whatever retirement home they were…
Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵
OMG! 😱 Iggor Cavalera, the dude who used to hit things in Sepultura (before they became, like, *totally* irrelevant), just…
Bruce Dickinson 👴🏻 Still at it? 🎤🎸 18 Songs of flight ✈️ (delayed ‘Til 2026 🗓️, Obviously 🙄).
So, Bruce Dickinson, AKA the air raid siren from IRON MAIDEN (the band your dad probably listens to), decided to…
🤘 Official: Metallica Guarantees Protection From Their New Releases — Find Out How!
Attention all metalheads and loud music lovers! Legendary band Metallica has an exclusive offering: the deluxe reissue of their iconic…
Lorraine Lewis Claims Vixen Firing Was a Total Mystery, Like Where Socks Disappear in the Dryer 🧦🤷♀️😂
So, apparently, former VIXEN singer Lorraine Lewis (who? 🤷♀️) did an interview with Brutal Planet Media (never heard of ’em)…