Klaus Meine says Scorpions are too busy napping to sting us with new tunes 😴🎸.
OMG! 😱 The Scorpions, those geriatric rock gods, are STILL alive and kicking…mostly! Klaus Meine, Rudolf Schenker, and Matthias Jabs…
Author: Chord F. Discord
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages."
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
Paradise Lost’s Aaron Aedy Admits New Album Is Basically Just Expensive Noise Pollution Right Now 🤷♂️🎶🥴
In an earth-shattering interview with some dude on YouTube named Alejandrosis (who?), Paradise Lost guitarist Aaron Aedy (who? again) deigned…
“Destination: The Place You’ll Probably Regret Going, But Hey, At Least You Can Post About It 🤪.”
OMG, Crematory’s STILL at it? 👴💀 I thought these guys were, like, actually cremated back in the 90s! Apparently, they’ve…
Blackie Lawless, bless his heart, thinks cancel culture is scarier than teased hair and Reaganomics, and also, Orange Man Good, apparently 🤷♀️🍊
Blackie Lawless, the lyrical genius behind such profound works as “Animal (F**k Like a Beast)” (a song so subtly nuanced…
Gene Simmons Blames Insurance for Highway Robbery Roadie Experience, Proving Rock ‘n’ Roll is Officially Dead 💀 and Replaced by Greed 💰
🎸💰 Oh, the audacity! Gene Simmons, the Demon of… charging exorbitant prices, is back at it again! Apparently, being a…
Pet Shop Boys Butcher Tina Turner’s “Hot For You Baby” into a Synth-Pop Sausage 🌭🎶👵
OMG! 😱 Pet Shop Boys, those synth-pop grandpas 👴👵, have allegedly “remixed” a “lost” Tina Turner track, *Hot For You…
Witness the Metalpocalypse: Exodus and Death Angel’s Singer Butcher a Scorpions Tune in Anaheim 🤘😂🎸🎤🔥
🤣OMG! Did anyone actually SEE this?! DEATH ANGEL’s resident screamer, Mark Osegueda, apparently thought it was a good idea to…
Gary Kemp Talks About “This Destination” (Yeah, We Know You’re Googling It 🙄)
So, Gary Kemp, bless his cotton socks, has a new album out. 🙄 Apparently, it’s called *This Destination*. Because, you…
Oh, great, so the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is scraping the bottom of the barrel again, inducting Bad Company and Soundgarden 🙄🎸🥁👴
🚨 EMERGENCY! 🚨 The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, bless its cotton socks, has announced its 2025 inductees. Hold…
Hammett and Trujillo Cover Rush🎸: Somewhere, Neil Peart Just Did a Perfect Drum Fill in the Afterlife👴
OMG! 🙄 You guys are NOT gonna BELIEVE what those two dudes from METALLICA, Robert “I Used to be in…