Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵
OMG! 😱 Iggor Cavalera, the dude who used to hit things in Sepultura (before they became, like, *totally* irrelevant), just…
Author: Chord F. Discord
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages."
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
Bruce Dickinson 👴🏻 Still at it? 🎤🎸 18 Songs of flight ✈️ (delayed ‘Til 2026 🗓️, Obviously 🙄).
So, Bruce Dickinson, AKA the air raid siren from IRON MAIDEN (the band your dad probably listens to), decided to…
🤘 Official: Metallica Guarantees Protection From Their New Releases — Find Out How!
Attention all metalheads and loud music lovers! Legendary band Metallica has an exclusive offering: the deluxe reissue of their iconic…
Lorraine Lewis Claims Vixen Firing Was a Total Mystery, Like Where Socks Disappear in the Dryer 🧦🤷♀️😂
So, apparently, former VIXEN singer Lorraine Lewis (who? 🤷♀️) did an interview with Brutal Planet Media (never heard of ’em)…
Klaus Meine says Scorpions are too busy napping to sting us with new tunes 😴🎸.
OMG! 😱 The Scorpions, those geriatric rock gods, are STILL alive and kicking…mostly! Klaus Meine, Rudolf Schenker, and Matthias Jabs…
Paradise Lost’s Aaron Aedy Admits New Album Is Basically Just Expensive Noise Pollution Right Now 🤷♂️🎶🥴
In an earth-shattering interview with some dude on YouTube named Alejandrosis (who?), Paradise Lost guitarist Aaron Aedy (who? again) deigned…
“Destination: The Place You’ll Probably Regret Going, But Hey, At Least You Can Post About It 🤪.”
OMG, Crematory’s STILL at it? 👴💀 I thought these guys were, like, actually cremated back in the 90s! Apparently, they’ve…
Blackie Lawless, bless his heart, thinks cancel culture is scarier than teased hair and Reaganomics, and also, Orange Man Good, apparently 🤷♀️🍊
Blackie Lawless, the lyrical genius behind such profound works as “Animal (F**k Like a Beast)” (a song so subtly nuanced…
Gene Simmons Blames Insurance for Highway Robbery Roadie Experience, Proving Rock ‘n’ Roll is Officially Dead 💀 and Replaced by Greed 💰
🎸💰 Oh, the audacity! Gene Simmons, the Demon of… charging exorbitant prices, is back at it again! Apparently, being a…
Pet Shop Boys Butcher Tina Turner’s “Hot For You Baby” into a Synth-Pop Sausage 🌭🎶👵
OMG! 😱 Pet Shop Boys, those synth-pop grandpas 👴👵, have allegedly “remixed” a “lost” Tina Turner track, *Hot For You…