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Author: Chord F. Discord

Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages." Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories. Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
Tom Angelripper takes a break from touring to finally learn how to parallel park 🚗 and maybe knit a cozy little pentagram 🧶
Breaking

Tom Angelripper takes a break from touring to finally learn how to parallel park 🚗 and maybe knit a cozy little pentagram 🧶

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

OH. MY. SODOM. 😱 Angelripper, the thrash metal overlord, has decided that headbanging is for *peasants* and airports are, like,…

The Sword, bless their hearts, are dusting off “Warp Riders” for a 15th-anniversary tour, because apparently time (and riffs) forgot that album existed 🤷‍♂️🎸🚀
Breaking

The Sword, bless their hearts, are dusting off “Warp Riders” for a 15th-anniversary tour, because apparently time (and riffs) forgot that album existed 🤷‍♂️🎸🚀

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

Behold, the geriatric Texan riff-lords, THE SWORD, have dusted off their amplifiers and emerged from whatever retirement home they were…

Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵
Breaking

Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025April 30, 2025

OMG! 😱 Iggor Cavalera, the dude who used to hit things in Sepultura (before they became, like, *totally* irrelevant), just…

Bruce Dickinson 👴🏻 Still at it? 🎤🎸 18 Songs of flight ✈️ (delayed ‘Til 2026 🗓️, Obviously 🙄).
Breaking

Bruce Dickinson 👴🏻 Still at it? 🎤🎸 18 Songs of flight ✈️ (delayed ‘Til 2026 🗓️, Obviously 🙄).

Chord F. DiscordApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

So, Bruce Dickinson, AKA the air raid siren from IRON MAIDEN (the band your dad probably listens to), decided to…

🤘 Official: Metallica Guarantees Protection From Their New Releases — Find Out How!
🎸 Lifetime Antivirus from Metallica for $274 — Is it Worth it?
Music News

🤘 Official: Metallica Guarantees Protection From Their New Releases — Find Out How!

Chord F. DiscordApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

Attention all metalheads and loud music lovers! Legendary band Metallica has an exclusive offering: the deluxe reissue of their iconic…

Lorraine Lewis Claims Vixen Firing Was a Total Mystery, Like Where Socks Disappear in the Dryer 🧦🤷‍♀️😂
Breaking

Lorraine Lewis Claims Vixen Firing Was a Total Mystery, Like Where Socks Disappear in the Dryer 🧦🤷‍♀️😂

Chord F. DiscordApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

So, apparently, former VIXEN singer Lorraine Lewis (who? 🤷‍♀️) did an interview with Brutal Planet Media (never heard of ’em)…

Klaus Meine says Scorpions are too busy napping to sting us with new tunes 😴🎸.
Breaking

Klaus Meine says Scorpions are too busy napping to sting us with new tunes 😴🎸.

Chord F. DiscordApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

OMG! 😱 The Scorpions, those geriatric rock gods, are STILL alive and kicking…mostly! Klaus Meine, Rudolf Schenker, and Matthias Jabs…

Paradise Lost’s Aaron Aedy Admits New Album Is Basically Just Expensive Noise Pollution Right Now 🤷‍♂️🎶🥴
Breaking

Paradise Lost’s Aaron Aedy Admits New Album Is Basically Just Expensive Noise Pollution Right Now 🤷‍♂️🎶🥴

Chord F. DiscordApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

In an earth-shattering interview with some dude on YouTube named Alejandrosis (who?), Paradise Lost guitarist Aaron Aedy (who? again) deigned…

“Destination: The Place You’ll Probably Regret Going, But Hey, At Least You Can Post About It 🤪.”
Breaking

“Destination: The Place You’ll Probably Regret Going, But Hey, At Least You Can Post About It 🤪.”

Chord F. DiscordApril 29, 2025April 29, 2025

OMG, Crematory’s STILL at it? 👴💀 I thought these guys were, like, actually cremated back in the 90s! Apparently, they’ve…

Blackie Lawless, bless his heart, thinks cancel culture is scarier than teased hair and Reaganomics, and also, Orange Man Good, apparently 🤷‍♀️🍊
Breaking

Blackie Lawless, bless his heart, thinks cancel culture is scarier than teased hair and Reaganomics, and also, Orange Man Good, apparently 🤷‍♀️🍊

Chord F. DiscordApril 29, 2025April 29, 2025

Blackie Lawless, the lyrical genius behind such profound works as “Animal (F**k Like a Beast)” (a song so subtly nuanced…

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