Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a Canadian man, Mitchell Fairbarn, who was convicted of animal cruelty charges for snatching a flamingo named Peachy from its enclosure at the Flamingo Las Vegas Hotel and Casino. I mean, who does that? The man took the 27-year-old Chilean flamingo from its habitat and carried it to his room, because, you know, that’s exactly what you do when you’re in Vegas – you take a flamingo to your room. Prosecutors said Fairbarn hurt and frightened the bird, and I’m thinking, yeah, no kidding, you’ve got a flamingo in your hotel room, it’s probably freaking out.
Now, the defense attorney, Josh Tomsheck, said his client was just really drunk and made some bad decisions. Well, that’s certainly a unique defense strategy – “your honor, my client was just really, really drunk, so that’s why he stole a flamingo.” I’m not sure if that’s going to fly, but hey, it’s worth a shot, right? The jury didn’t buy it, though, and convicted Fairbarn of felony and misdemeanor animal cruelty counts.
After about five hours of deliberations, the jurors returned with their verdict, and Fairbarn was found guilty. He remains under house arrest pending a sentencing hearing set for December 1. He faces up to four years in prison for the felony and possibly six more months for the misdemeanor conviction. I’m thinking, wow, that’s a lot of time for messing with a flamingo.
The flamingo, Peachy, is doing okay physically, but it’s a bit more anxious and nervous now. I don’t blame it, really – I’d be anxious too if some drunk guy picked me up and carried me to his hotel room. The veterinarian, Tiffany Moore, said Peachy is recovering, but it’s going to take some time.
Prosecutors told jurors that Fairbarn willfully caused the bird physical pain, and they showed video of the bird squawking while Fairbarn handled it. They also said Peachy felt pain when it was pulled by its feet. I’m thinking, yeah, that sounds about right – I’d feel pain too if someone was pulling me by my feet.
The whole thing is just pretty ridiculous, if you ask me. I mean, who takes a flamingo from its habitat and carries it to their hotel room? It’s just not something you do, folks. And now Fairbarn is facing some serious consequences for his actions.
In conclusion, it’s just been a wild ride reading about this story, folks. A Canadian man steals a flamingo from a hotel in Vegas, and now he’s facing up to four years in prison. I guess the moral of the story is, don’t mess with the animals, especially not the flamingos in Vegas. And if you’re going to get drunk and do something stupid, maybe just stick to singing karaoke or something, rather than stealing a flamingo. 🐦
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
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