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Category: Babylon Bee

‘Pete Hegseth Is Problematic,’ Says Room Full Of Satanic Pedophiles
Babylon Bee

‘Pete Hegseth Is Problematic,’ Says Room Full Of Satanic Pedophiles

December 6, 2024

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yet another of President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet nominees continued to face an uphill battle for conformation from…

Supreme Court Rules 8-1 In Favor Of Taking Turns Bonking Justice Sotomayor On The Head With Their Gavels
Babylon Bee

Supreme Court Rules 8-1 In Favor Of Taking Turns Bonking Justice Sotomayor On The Head With Their Gavels

December 5, 2024

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The government’s judicial branch continued to methodically work through remaining cases before the upcoming holiday break, with…

Suspicious? Biden Pardons Hunter For Anything He Might Do Tonight Between 2:30 and 4:17 AM Outside The Capitol Heights Applebee’s
Babylon Bee

Suspicious? Biden Pardons Hunter For Anything He Might Do Tonight Between 2:30 and 4:17 AM Outside The Capitol Heights Applebee’s

December 5, 2024

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden issued another controversial pardon for his son Hunter this week which exonerates him for “what…

Every Single Human Behavior Now Classified As Autism Or ADHD
Babylon Bee

Every Single Human Behavior Now Classified As Autism Or ADHD

December 5, 2024

U.S. — Secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra announced in a press conference Thursday that, going forward, every…

‘Cryptocurrency Is Stupid,’ Says Nerd Without Mega Yacht
Babylon Bee

‘Cryptocurrency Is Stupid,’ Says Nerd Without Mega Yacht

December 5, 2024

LOS ANGELES, CA — Local loser Melvin Thompson, who apparently has no desire to own a billion-dollar mega yacht, declared…

Daniel Penny Jury Deliberations Delayed Due To Three Jurors Being Severely Beaten On Subway Ride To Courthouse
Babylon Bee

Daniel Penny Jury Deliberations Delayed Due To Three Jurors Being Severely Beaten On Subway Ride To Courthouse

December 4, 2024

NEW YORK CITY — Jury deliberations in the trial of Daniel Penny were delayed this afternoon after three of the…

Cherished Pet Lives On As WiFi Password
Babylon Bee

Cherished Pet Lives On As WiFi Password

December 4, 2024

MONTROSE, OH — Despite her passing, local family pet “Miss Dixie” continues to live on as the WiFi password for…

To Increase Excitement, MLB To Allow Each Team To Call In One Tactical Air Strike Per Game
Babylon Bee

To Increase Excitement, MLB To Allow Each Team To Call In One Tactical Air Strike Per Game

December 4, 2024

NEW YORK, NY — In addition to exploring the use of a “golden at-bat” in which teams could send their…

Trump Announces Plan To Annex Canada And Rename It ‘Gay North Dakota’
Babylon Bee

Trump Announces Plan To Annex Canada And Rename It ‘Gay North Dakota’

December 4, 2024

PALM BEACH, FL — In his most impactful promise yet in the lead-up to being inaugurated in January, President-elect Donald…

Confused Senior Citizen Pledges $1 Billion To Exiled Nigerian Prince
Babylon Bee

Confused Senior Citizen Pledges $1 Billion To Exiled Nigerian Prince

December 4, 2024

WORLD — After receiving a compelling email, a confused senior citizen has reportedly pledged to give one billion dollars to…

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