Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Gabe Newell

Gaming Payments in Canada: Fort Knox or Just a Paper Bag Full of Cash?
Breaking, Games News

Gaming Payments in Canada: Fort Knox or Just a Paper Bag Full of Cash?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 5, 2026February 5, 2026

So, is your gaming wallet safer than your mom’s secret cookie stash? Maybe. Back in the day, getting a new…

Valve’s 30% Steam Tax Racket Gets Epic UK Roasting in Class Action Clown Show
Breaking, Games News

Valve’s 30% Steam Tax Racket Gets Epic UK Roasting in Class Action Clown Show

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 28, 2026January 28, 2026

Hold onto your wallets, gamers! 🤯 Valve, the beloved overlords of Steam (aka that place where your paycheck goes to…

Valve confirms Half-Life 3 is playable, meaning it’s only 30 years away from release! 🤡🎉
Breaking

Valve confirms Half-Life 3 is playable, meaning it’s only 30 years away from release! 🤡🎉

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 5, 2025May 5, 2025

OMG! 😱 Tyler McVicker, the guy who’s been “reporting” on Half-Life 3 since, like, the Stone Age, says it’s PLAYTESTABLE!…

🤔 The Legendary Half-Life 3 Is Finally Here, But There’s a Catch… 🤯
😂 Valve Announced Half-Life 3? Well, Almost… 💩
Games News

🤔 The Legendary Half-Life 3 Is Finally Here, But There’s a Catch… 🤯

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 30, 2025March 30, 2025

The Jackal.Today editorial team sniffed around through our secret channels (yes, we have people even in Valve’s basement, where Gabe…

🕵️‍♂️ The Secret History of «Half Life 3»: Microwaves, GTA VI, and Gabe’s Struggle With Counting to Three
Exclusive: «Half Life 3» Was Released, But Gabe Newell Didn’t Tell Anyone — Here’s Why 🫠
Games News

🕵️‍♂️ The Secret History of «Half Life 3»: Microwaves, GTA VI, and Gabe’s Struggle With Counting to Three

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 6, 2025January 6, 2025

Our undercover investigation into Valve’s most elusive project, «Half Life 3», has finally borne fruit, and the results are nothing…

Latest posts

  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Display of Big Hair and Bigger Egos as DOKKEN Attempts to Relive the Glory Days at the Somewhat Still Relevant Whisky A Go Go
  • Deborah Ann Woll Spills All the Tea on Marvel, Woodcreek and God of War Laufey Because You Clearly Had Nothing Better to Do at GCC 2026
  • Tomb Raider Turns 30 And Still Somehow Manages To Not Completely Fall Apart
  • Obama lackey begs Iran for pathetic peace deal somehow
  • Liberal LA Mayor declares emergency over minor warehouse fire obviously

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
June 2026
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  
« May    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}