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White House throws epic side-eye at Colombian Prez’s wild tale of Yankee boat brawl off Venezuela
Elephant Reads CNN

White House throws epic side-eye at Colombian Prez’s wild tale of Yankee boat brawl off Venezuela

Big ElephantOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Another day, another socialist South American leader whining about America! President Petro of Colombia is now claiming that our strikes…

Ice Nine Kills Drools Over ’89 Batman, Churns Out Another Generic Track for Clueless Fanboys
Breaking, Music News

Ice Nine Kills Drools Over ’89 Batman, Churns Out Another Generic Track for Clueless Fanboys

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

ICE NINE KILLS, those maestros of musical mayhem, 🤡 invite you to “dance with the devil in the pale moonlight”…

Burton needs to C. the BELL, announces more talking, again
Breaking, Music News

Burton needs to C. the BELL, announces more talking, again

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Former FEAR FACTORY vocalist, the one and only Burton C. Bell (yes, THAT Burton C. Bell), has graced us with…

Andrew Garfield “Teases” Possible Spider-Man Comeback (Again?!) in the Year 2027 (Maybe, Possibly, If You Really, Really Beg)
Breaking, Movie News

Andrew Garfield “Teases” Possible Spider-Man Comeback (Again?!) in the Year 2027 (Maybe, Possibly, If You Really, Really Beg)

FinnOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

🤣Oh, look, it’s Andrew Garfield, still pretending he doesn’t know if he’s going to be in Avengers: Secret Wars. As…

Larian Studios Director Hilariously Roasts Elon Musk’s Pathetic Attempt at Gaming Domination
Breaking, Games News

Larian Studios Director Hilariously Roasts Elon Musk’s Pathetic Attempt at Gaming Domination

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Oh, honey, buckle up buttercups! 💅 Elon “Technoking” Musk, fresh off renaming Twitter to “X” because…reasons? 🤔 …is now gracing…

Gaza’s Grand Finale: A CNN Production
Elephant Reads CNN

Gaza’s Grand Finale: A CNN Production

Big ElephantOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Folks, can you believe the liberal media is actually praising President Trump for brokering a peace deal in Gaza? It’s…

Winds of Change? More Like Winds of “We Need the Money,” Plus Maybe Some New Noise and a Giggle or Two
Breaking, Music News

Winds of Change? More Like Winds of “We Need the Money,” Plus Maybe Some New Noise and a Giggle or Two

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

WINDS OF PLAGUE, those symphonic deathcore… things… that you probably forgot existed, decided to grace us with their presence at…

Heart Machine Axes Staff, Hyper Light Breaker’s Fate Hangs by a Thread LOL
Breaking, Games News

Heart Machine Axes Staff, Hyper Light Breaker’s Fate Hangs by a Thread LOL

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Oh, look, another indie darling bites the dust! 😭 Heart Machine, those guys who made Hyper Light Drifter (you know,…

OMG! Remember After Forever? Mark Jansen’s Old Band (Pre-Epica, LOL) Reunites for Some 25th-Anniversary Gigs
Breaking, Music News

OMG! Remember After Forever? Mark Jansen’s Old Band (Pre-Epica, LOL) Reunites for Some 25th-Anniversary Gigs

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

So, Mark Jansen’s band before the one everyone actually cares about, AFTER FOREVER, decided to dust off their instruments and…

YouTube’s Unleashing the Banished: Prepare for Content Armageddon
Elephant Reads CNN

YouTube’s Unleashing the Banished: Prepare for Content Armageddon

Big ElephantOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Oh, the horror! YouTube, bending the knee to the woke mob no more, is letting those who dared question the…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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