Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Slayer

EXODUS Finds Brand New, Unheard-of Way to Write Riffs, Names Band After a Big Guy
Breaking, Music News

EXODUS Finds Brand New, Unheard-of Way to Write Riffs, Names Band After a Big Guy

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 21, 2026January 21, 2026

Hold onto your studded leather jackets and prepare your necks for the ultimate whiplash, because the thrash titans known as…

Death Angel, All Shall Perish, Kylesa, and Soilent Green Sign Up to Haunt Lamb of God’s 2026 Headbangers Boat Like Ghosts on a Floating Metal Mosh Pit
Live, Music News

Death Angel, All Shall Perish, Kylesa, and Soilent Green Sign Up to Haunt Lamb of God’s 2026 Headbangers Boat Like Ghosts on a Floating Metal Mosh Pit

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: LAMB OF GOD ANNOUNCES 2026 CRUISE WHERE YOU CAN METAL IN A HOT TUB AND SNORKEL WITH PIGS…

Nita Strauss: The Melodic Death Metal Workout Queen Who Can’t Curl a Bicep Without Soilwork and At the Gates
Breaking, Music News

Nita Strauss: The Melodic Death Metal Workout Queen Who Can’t Curl a Bicep Without Soilwork and At the Gates

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

When Nita Strauss Isn’t Shredding Guitars, She’s Shredding… Her Own Excuses (And Occasionally Her Soul on the Treadmill) 🎸🏋️‍♀️ In…

MORTAL SIN’s MAT MAURER Confirms New Music: ‘It’s Been Discussed’ (Translation: ‘We’ve Talked About It Over Beer’)
Breaking, Music News

MORTAL SIN’s MAT MAURER Confirms New Music: ‘It’s Been Discussed’ (Translation: ‘We’ve Talked About It Over Beer’)

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 4, 2026January 4, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Mortal Sin Announces 2026 Return — Because Apparently 15 Years of Peace Wasn’t Enough 🚨 In a move…

CANNIBAL CORPSE’s ALEX WEBSTER Claims Death Metal Is Basically SLAYER’s Unhinged Lovechild
Breaking, Music News

CANNIBAL CORPSE’s ALEX WEBSTER Claims Death Metal Is Basically SLAYER’s Unhinged Lovechild

Chord F. DiscordDecember 31, 2025December 31, 2025

When Death Metal Was Just Dad’s Old Rock Records and a Dream 😈🎸 Back in the day, before streaming algorithms…

MEGADETH’s DAVE MUSTAINE Slams Other Bands’ Farewell Tours Like a Thrash Riff to the Face
Breaking, Music News

MEGADETH’s DAVE MUSTAINE Slams Other Bands’ Farewell Tours Like a Thrash Riff to the Face

Chord F. DiscordDecember 30, 2025December 30, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Dave Mustaine Announces Retirement… Or Is He Just Tired of Tuning His Guitar? 🚨 In a shocking turn…

JASON MCMASTER REFUSES PANTERA AUDITION, PROVES HE KNOWS WHAT’S BEST FOR MUSIC
Breaking, Music News

JASON MCMASTER REFUSES PANTERA AUDITION, PROVES HE KNOWS WHAT’S BEST FOR MUSIC

Chord F. DiscordDecember 30, 2025December 30, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Jason McMaster Almost Became the Voice of Pantera (But Thankfully Didn’t, Because Chaos Was Already Scheduled) 🚨 In…

MAX CAVALERA Prays for A.I. Friendship Bracelets While Robots Plot World Domination
Breaking, Music News

MAX CAVALERA Prays for A.I. Friendship Bracelets While Robots Plot World Domination

Chord F. DiscordDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Move Over, Mozart: Max Cavalera Declares War on Robot Rockers and AI-Generated “Soul” Music 🤖🎸 In a shocking turn of…

SLAYER Band Biography By D.X. Ferris Finally Deafens Your Ears As An Audiobook
Breaking, Music News

SLAYER Band Biography By D.X. Ferris Finally Deafens Your Ears As An Audiobook

Chord F. DiscordDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Move over, history books and science textbooks—there’s a new educational powerhouse in town, and it’s screaming at you in double-blast-beat…

Bleach: Rebirth of Souls Summons Yhwach DLC Just in Time to Ruin Your Holidays on December 10
Breaking, Games News

Bleach: Rebirth of Souls Summons Yhwach DLC Just in Time to Ruin Your Holidays on December 10

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 1, 2025December 1, 2025

Oh, look, another cash grab! 💰 Bleach: Rebirth of Souls, the game nobody asked for, is gracing us with a…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 3 4 5 … 10 Next

Latest posts

  • Spin of the Day: ProPublica explores the ease of starting a private school, even by unqualified individuals. — 9% Mostly Reality
  • Asian Brands Thriving Off American Guilt
  • Texas Border Wall Hits Snag Because Of Laws And Stuff
  • Nicolas Cage Films Get 4K Steelbook Upgrade
  • Phil Collins Drops 7 Bombshells on Piers Morgan Uncensored

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.