LOS ANGELES—Peeking out from behind the trunk with a mischievous grin on her face, actress Sydney Sweeney announced, “Now my breasts are over here!” from behind an old oak tree Friday. “He-he, it’s me,” said the 29-year-old Euphoria and Anyone But You star, who giggled as she ducked behind the tree and reemerged a moment later from behind a telephone pole across the street, followed by an oleander bush, a playground slide, and a mail carrier’s bag. “Um, excuse me? Were you looking for my breasts? Because they’re right here! Or are they here? He-he, where will they appear next? Will it be this gopher hole? Your refrigerator, perhaps? There are so many drawers in your office filing cabinet—I wonder if one of them has my boobs in it? Don’t forget to look at the moon tonight!” At press time, reports confirmed a terrified child had run to his parents’ room crying that he’d found Sydney Sweeney’s breasts under his bed.
The post ‘Now My Breasts Are Over Here,’ Announces Sydney Sweeney Peeking Out From Oak Tree appeared first on The Onion.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
⚖️ ENTER THE LEGALIZER
Think the government has no idea what it's doing? Put your case before the Federal Case Terminal and find out.
