HIDDEN HILLS, CA—Muttering “Oh shit” as she realized her mistake, media personality Kylie Jenner was reportedly panicking Monday after accidentally washing the $50 million Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra on a regular cycle. “I was probably supposed to use the delicate setting, but now the lid’s locked, so what can I do?” said Jenner, who cursed herself for forgetting to read the care instructions on the tag of the four-pound, diamond-encrusted garment before tossing it into the machine with boyfriend Timothée Chalamet’s gym clothes. “Fuck, I should have at least put it in one of those little mesh bags. And hopefully the fabric softener doesn’t make it less sparkly. Diamonds are supposed to be indestructible, right? Isn’t that the whole point of diamonds? Eh, whatever. A bra’s for wearing under other stuff anyway.” At press time, sources confirmed that the bra came out intact, emboldening Jenner to stuff her 10-foot Victoria’s Secret angel wings into the washer next.
The post Panicked Kylie Jenner Accidentally Washes $50 Million Fantasy Bra On Regular Cycle appeared first on The Onion.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
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