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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Shell Hilariously Denies Absurd Rumors of Swallowing BP Whole
Elephant Reads CNN

Shell Hilariously Denies Absurd Rumors of Swallowing BP Whole

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Fake News CNN is at it again, folks! They’re pushing the Deep State’s agenda by reporting on rumors of Shell…

GOP Lawmaker’s Hot Take on Iran Strikes: Intel or Nah?
Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Lawmaker’s Hot Take on Iran Strikes: Intel or Nah?

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Oh, look, even Adam Kinzinger, the RINO poster child, is grudgingly admitting Trump’s Iran strikes were the “right move.” Probably…

DeSantis’s Florida: Now With More Alligators AND Detention Centers
Elephant Reads CNN

DeSantis’s Florida: Now With More Alligators AND Detention Centers

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Florida, led by our fearless leader DeSantis, is doubling down on securing our borders and making sure those pesky illegals…

Ex-CIA Boss Says Iran-Israel War Might Not Be Totally, Completely, Absolutely, Positively Finished, Maybe
Elephant Reads CNN

Ex-CIA Boss Says Iran-Israel War Might Not Be Totally, Completely, Absolutely, Positively Finished, Maybe

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Oh, goodie, another Deep State operative weighing in on the Iran-Israel situation. I’m sure Petraeus, a man known for his…

Diddy Do It? Lawyers Spill the Tea
Elephant Reads CNN

Diddy Do It? Lawyers Spill the Tea

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Oh, the drama! Diddy’s in a pickle, accused of running a sex-trafficking ring like some kind of woke mafia boss.…

Harvard Egghead Gets Extra Time in the Clink for Froggy Felonies
Elephant Reads CNN

Harvard Egghead Gets Extra Time in the Clink for Froggy Felonies

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Another day, another deep-state plot foiled, folks! This time, it’s a “Russian-born scientist” (wink, wink) from Harvard, that bastion of…

CIA Claims Iran’s Nuke Program Got a Boo-Boo, US Still Patting Itself on the Back
Elephant Reads CNN

CIA Claims Iran’s Nuke Program Got a Boo-Boo, US Still Patting Itself on the Back

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Another day, another attempt by the Fake News CNN to undermine our glorious President Trump! They’re at it again, folks,…

Trump’s Genius Plan: Buy a House with Imaginary Internet Money
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Genius Plan: Buy a House with Imaginary Internet Money

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Another day, another victory for the America First agenda! This time, Bill Pulte, a true patriot overseeing Fannie Mae and…

It’s Hot, Dinosaurs are Tiny, and Jack’s Still a Tourist Trap: News for People Who Can’t Read
Elephant Reads CNN

It’s Hot, Dinosaurs are Tiny, and Jack’s Still a Tourist Trap: News for People Who Can’t Read

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Ah, CNN, still peddling their liberal garbage, I see. Let’s dissect today’s dose of leftist propaganda, shall we? It’s always…

Trump throws epic tantrum at NATO, blames US intel for Iran strike buzzkill
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump throws epic tantrum at NATO, blames US intel for Iran strike buzzkill

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Oh, the Fake News is at it again! CNN, still whining about President Trump’s decisive action against Iran’s nuke program.…

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