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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Japan’s Economy Is Apparently America’s Secret Overlord Now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Japan’s Economy Is Apparently America’s Secret Overlord Now

Big ElephantSeptember 22, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Japan’s financial markets are going through some major changes, and it’s…

Trump Officially Promoted to Chaos CEO
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Officially Promoted to Chaos CEO

Big ElephantSeptember 22, 2026

The world is a mess, folks, and I’m not just talking about my coffee table after a big game. According…

Justice System Declares Business as Usual in Nolan Wells Case
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Justice System Declares Business as Usual in Nolan Wells Case

Big ElephantSeptember 21, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest news on Nolan Wells, the 18-year-old who tragically died after…

CNN and friends demand White House access back
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN and friends demand White House access back

Big ElephantSeptember 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump has banned three news outlets – CNN, MS…

Northeast Airports Back Online After Brief Incompetence Induced Chaos
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Northeast Airports Back Online After Brief Incompetence Induced Chaos

Big ElephantSeptember 21, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the travel nightmare that unfolded at five major Northeast airports on Monday.…

Missouri Gets Congressional Map It Definitely Didn’t Want Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Missouri Gets Congressional Map It Definitely Didn’t Want Anyway

Big ElephantSeptember 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A federal appeals court just ruled that Missouri has to use…

Bipartisan Bliss: Democrat Endorses Republican Because Politics Is Wild Now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Bipartisan Bliss: Democrat Endorses Republican Because Politics Is Wild Now

Big ElephantSeptember 21, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama in the Democratic party, and I have to say,…

Paramount Gets Free Pass From State Attorneys General Because Reasons
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Paramount Gets Free Pass From State Attorneys General Because Reasons

Big ElephantSeptember 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one – the state attorneys general suing to block Paramount’s acquisition of…

NorthEast Airports Because Who Needs Working Navigation Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

NorthEast Airports Because Who Needs Working Navigation Anyway

Big ElephantSeptember 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one – a Federal Aviation Administration equipment outage is causing significant flight…

Vermont Man Found Guilty of Trying to Murder Some College Kids
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Vermont Man Found Guilty of Trying to Murder Some College Kids

Big ElephantSeptember 21, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about this wild story on CNN, folks. A jury in Vermont just convicted a…

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