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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Trump’s SHOCKING G7 Exit: CNN Reporter Gets the REAL Reason (You Won’t Believe It!)
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s SHOCKING G7 Exit: CNN Reporter Gets the REAL Reason (You Won’t Believe It!)

Big ElephantJune 17, 2025June 17, 2025

Our glorious leader Trump, back from hobnobbing with globalist elites at the G7, faced the fake news media head-on! CNN’s…

JPMorgan Sapphire Card: Now 45% More Expensive to Impress People You Don’t Even Like
Elephant Reads CNN

JPMorgan Sapphire Card: Now 45% More Expensive to Impress People You Don’t Even Like

Big ElephantJune 17, 2025June 17, 2025

Oh, the horror! JPMorgan Chase, bending to the woke mob, is hiking the annual fee on its Sapphire Reserve card…

California Bill: Now Cops Can’t Hide Their Disappointment After a Donut Runs Out
Elephant Reads CNN

California Bill: Now Cops Can’t Hide Their Disappointment After a Donut Runs Out

Big ElephantJune 17, 2025June 17, 2025

California is going full-blown Communist! Now they want to unmask our brave ICE officers, probably so the Antifa mob can…

Ex-Defense Minister of Israel Believes Iran Conflict Can Be Solved With Hugs and Rainbows
Elephant Reads CNN

Ex-Defense Minister of Israel Believes Iran Conflict Can Be Solved With Hugs and Rainbows

Big ElephantJune 17, 2025June 17, 2025

Oh, another deep dive into the Mideast mess, courtesy of CNN and their latest attempt to undermine Israel! They’re chatting…

G7 Morons Agree on Shiny Rock Strategy, World Doomed
Elephant Reads CNN

G7 Morons Agree on Shiny Rock Strategy, World Doomed

Big ElephantJune 17, 2025June 17, 2025

The “woke” G7 is panicking because China is cutting off their supply of shiny rocks! Looks like someone forgot to…

CNN: Where News Breaks (Like My Patience) and Videos Bore
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN: Where News Breaks (Like My Patience) and Videos Bore

Big ElephantJune 17, 2025June 17, 2025

Oh, look, Iran and Israel are at it again. More missiles flying around than brain cells in a Biden rally.…

Trump’s Brainchildren Launch Phone Carrier: Prepare for 5G Conspiracy Theories
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Brainchildren Launch Phone Carrier: Prepare for 5G Conspiracy Theories

Big ElephantJune 17, 2025June 17, 2025

Finally, a phone company that isn’t run by woke communists! Trump Mobile is here to save us from the clutches…

Mahmoud Khalil’s Lawyers Throw a Hail Mary Pass: “Let Our Man Go (Back to Jersey)” | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Mahmoud Khalil’s Lawyers Throw a Hail Mary Pass: “Let Our Man Go (Back to Jersey)” | CNN

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

CNN is crying over Mahmoud Khalil, a “pro-Palestinian activist” (read: potential terrorist sympathizer) being held by ICE. Apparently, this guy…

Fact Check: Trump’s G7 Truthiness Extravaganza: Trudeau, Trade, Ukraine, and the Great Immigration Conspiracy
Elephant Reads CNN

Fact Check: Trump’s G7 Truthiness Extravaganza: Trudeau, Trade, Ukraine, and the Great Immigration Conspiracy

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Fake News CNN is at it again, desperately trying to make our great President Trump look bad! They’re twisting his…

MyPillow Guy Pilloried: Jury Says He Did a No-No to Voting Machine Dude
Elephant Reads CNN

MyPillow Guy Pilloried: Jury Says He Did a No-No to Voting Machine Dude

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Another day, another victory for the Deep State! A Colorado jury, probably filled with soy-latte-sipping liberals, has decided that MyPillow’s…

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