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Cannes Bans Nudity On Red Carpet
Read MoreThe OnionCannes Film Festival issued an updated red carpet dress code that effectively bans full nudity and “voluminous” ensembles,…
Free Booze Fridays at Domaine ATL (Probably Just Warm Beer, LOL)
EVERYONE FROM ALL OVER IS INVITED OMG, EVERYONE is invited! 🙄 Like, if you’re over 18 (ID REQUIRED, obvi). Text…
Met Gala Doomed: Teens Invade, High Fashion Cries
OMG! 🙄Teens Take The Met! on May 16, 2025, at 4 pm! Middle/High school ID = FREE ticket! Prepare for…
🔥 Ektomorf Betrayed Ukraine — Performed in Putin’s Russia (2025)
On May 14, 2025, Hungarian metal band Ektomorf took the stage in Moscow — the first European band to perform in Russia since Putin launched his genocidal war against Ukraine in 2022.
While the entire Western metal community stood united in silence — refusing to play for a terrorist regime — Ektomorf said yes. Yes to the blood money. Yes to the propaganda. Yes to playing for a state that bombs civilians and kidnaps children.
No surprise it was Hungarians. With Viktor Orbán openly supporting the Kremlin and doing Putin’s bidding, Ektomorf’s betrayal feels almost scripted.
💰 Brought in by a shady local agency called Global East Talent, they chose their side — and it’s not with the victims.
🎸 This is what selling out looks like.
Don’t support bands that normalize terror.
#Ektomorf #ShameTour2025 #MetalBetrayal #BoycottRussia #StandWithUkraine
Man Has Extremely Blessed Day After Kindly Old Black Woman Tells Him To Have A Blessed Day
ATLANTA, GA — Local man Greg Spitzer found himself on the proverbial “cloud nine” following an encounter with a kindly…
I Prevail Throws Out Perfectly Good Screamer, Claims It Was An “Accident”
I PREVAIL, those Michigan rockers who somehow managed to get a platinum record and a couple of participation trophies (aka…
BUCKCHERRY’s JOSH TODD Claims He’s Now a Yoga Instructor Between Bangover Recovery Sessions
In a groundbreaking interview with Neeka Rogers of Metal Nation, BUCKCHERRY frontman Josh Todd, a man who clearly has all…
Christopher Nolan’s *The Odyssey*: Prepare for 3 Hours of Glorious Black Bars and Seasickness in IMAX
So, Chris Nolan, fresh off his *Oppenheimer* victory lap (because, let’s be real, that movie was *totally* unbiased and not…
Trump Grants Refugee Status To Former SS Guards
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Condemning what he described as the disturbing and unjust treatment of the group, President Donald Trump granted refugee…