Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Category: Breaking

‘Happy Gilmore 2’ Bombs So Hard It Breaks Netflix’s Servers
Breaking, Movie News

‘Happy Gilmore 2’ Bombs So Hard It Breaks Netflix’s Servers

FinnJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Oh, sweet golfing gods, bow down to the cinematic masterpiece that is Happy Gilmore 2! 🏌️‍♂️ After a grueling 30-year…

An Ocean Ov Wonderful, Delightful, Pleasant, Heavenly Paradise
Breaking, Music News

An Ocean Ov Wonderful, Delightful, Pleasant, Heavenly Paradise

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

So, the prevailing wisdom is that TRUE heaviness only exists if your guitar strings are so loose they could double…

Alice Cooper’s Grand Return: Prepare to be Rocked (in a Wheelchair)
Breaking, Music News

Alice Cooper’s Grand Return: Prepare to be Rocked (in a Wheelchair)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

So, Ozzy is finally pushing up daisies , and we’re all weeping into our lukewarm beers , aren’t we? But…

BUSH Drops ‘Scars’ Video From ‘I Beat Loneliness’ Album (Yeah Right)
Breaking, Music News

BUSH Drops ‘Scars’ Video From ‘I Beat Loneliness’ Album (Yeah Right)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

BUSH, those lovable relics from the mid-90s who are still somehow kicking, have graced us with a music video for…

Upcoming Horror Game I Hate This Place: More Like I Hate This Game, Am I Right
Breaking, Games News

Upcoming Horror Game I Hate This Place: More Like I Hate This Game, Am I Right

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Oh, great, another survival horror game! 🙄 As if we needed more jump scares and poorly optimized gameplay. Broken Mirror…

The Sims 4 Uses FKA twigs’ Music Video to Trick You Into Buying More Stuff
Breaking, Games News

The Sims 4 Uses FKA twigs’ Music Video to Trick You Into Buying More Stuff

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Ah, yes, The Sims 4: Enchanted by Nature, the expansion pack so “enchanting” it had to bribe FKA twigs to…

MCU’s X-Men: Now With 90% More Teen Angst, Says Guy Who Should Know
Breaking, Movie News

MCU’s X-Men: Now With 90% More Teen Angst, Says Guy Who Should Know

FinnJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because Kevin “The Manipulator” Feige has spoken! 🗣️ And guess what? He’s got *another* X-Men movie…

Ozzy’s Dead, Charts Go Wild: A Post-Mortem Billboard Bonanza
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy’s Dead, Charts Go Wild: A Post-Mortem Billboard Bonanza

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

According to Billboard.com, two of Ozzy Osbourne’s classic songs (and by “classic” we mean, like, kinda old) have FINALLY made…

OMG! Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein is ALIVE (and kinda fugly) Check Out the Pics!
Breaking, Movie News

OMG! Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein is ALIVE (and kinda fugly) Check Out the Pics!

FinnJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Oh, HONEY! 💅Another Frankenstein? Seriously? 🙄 Like we haven’t seen this story retold more times than there are filters on…

Mario Paint on Switch: Prepare to Unleash Your Inner Picasso (With a Mouse, Seriously?)
Breaking, Games News

Mario Paint on Switch: Prepare to Unleash Your Inner Picasso (With a Mouse, Seriously?)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Oh, JOY! 🤩 The illustrious Nintendo Switch Online is gracing us, the unwashed masses, with… Mario Paint. Yes, you read…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 291 292 293 … 381 Next

Latest posts

  • Because You Clearly Need to Pay to Exercise Outside on Grass like a Normal Human Being with Pure Barre
  • Waste Money on Overpriced Yoga Pants and Call it Pilates at lululemon
  • Curl Bar Block Party 4.0 Because You Clearly Had Nothing Better to Do with Your Saturday
  • The Silence of the Rock Bartender 💀
  • Maryland Deathfest 2026 Aftermovie | 4 Days of Rain, 0 Days of Regret! ☔🤘

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
May 2026
S M T W T F S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31  
« Apr    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}