Swallow the Sun Bio: Now in English (ish) – Preorder Before We Change Our Minds
OMG! 😱 Prepare yourselves, metalheads, for the most groundbreaking, earth-shattering news of the century! Century Media Records is proud to…
Category: Breaking
Guns N’ Roses Vomits Out Two New Singles, ‘Nothin” And ‘Atlas’
OMG! 🚨GUNS N’ ROSES🚨 just dropped two new singles! 🙄 Because, you know, we were all *dying* for more Axl…
CNN Worries Some Dude Might Get a Tummy Ache Because of *Checks Notes* Science
Oh, no! Not another snowflake worried about a disease that’s practically gone! This John Ellis, bless his delicate heart, is…
Flea’s Solo Album Dropping in 2026 – Get Ready to Wait, Pepper Heads
After five glorious decades of slapping the bass 🎸 in the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS (because, let’s face it, that’s…
Trump Says He’s Cool With Dropping More Bombs on Alleged Drug Boats, Because Why Not
Another day, another victory for President Trump in the War on Drugs! Those pathetic drug smugglers thought they could sneak…
New York Lawmakers Triggered, Want to Ban Protests Near Holy Buildings After Mean Pro-Palestinian Demonstration
Oh, the delicate snowflakes in New York are at it again! Apparently, those oh-so-tolerant liberals can’t handle a little free…
“Totally Disgusted” Cries Victim After Trump Lets Rich Guy Who Probably Deserved It Off the Hook, CNN Reports (Obviously)
Fake News CNN is at it again, folks! They’re clutching their pearls because President Trump, the greatest negotiator this country…
OMG! Bone Temple Trailer: Dr. Kelson vs Jimmy Crystal – 28 Years of Awkwardness
OMG! 😱 Sony Pictures just dropped the *second* trailer for 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple, and let’s be real,…
STUDIOCANAL, Heyday Films and Sanrio Announce Cinematic Disasterpiece: Mr Men Little Miss Feature Film, Prepare to Cringe
OMG! 😱 STUDIOCANAL, Heyday Films, and Mister Men Limited (aka Sanrio’s red-headed stepchild 🧑🦰) are actually making a Mr. Men…
PANTERA: Fully Authorized Photo Book Coming Spring 2026 (If You Actually Care)
Oh, great. Just what the world needed: another “Pantera” (but not really) cash-grab coffee table book from Rufus Publications, featuring…