What To Know About The Live-Action ‘Moana’
Disney’s live-action remake of Moana comes to theaters this weekend, a decade after the original animated film was released.…
Category: The Onion
National Opera Lays Off 200 Phantoms
WASHINGTON—Aiming to cut costs after a poor fiscal quarter, Washington National Opera general director Timothy O’Leary announced plans Monday…
LeBron James Realizes He Left Brand-New Stick Of Deodorant In Lakers Locker
LOS ANGELES—Audibly whispering “no, no, no” as his mind flashed back to the toiletry item he had neglected to…
Graham Platner Clarifies He Covered Penis With Tattoo After Learning About Its Troubling History
The post Graham Platner Clarifies He Covered Penis With Tattoo After Learning About Its Troubling History appeared first on…
TJ Maxx Adds Meat
FRAMINGHAM, MA—In an effort to provide customers with an ever-wider variety of merchandise at steep discounts, executives at TJ…
Report: Trump Made $1.4 Billion As President Off Selling Tupperware To Friends
WASHINGTON—Raising questions over the ethics of profiting in private business ventures while still holding office, a report released Tuesday found…
Study: Average Woman Prefers Partner Who Is Member Of ZZ Top
HOUSTON—A new study published Thursday by researchers at the University of Houston revealed that the average American woman vastly…
Hostess Discontinues Physical Twinkies
ORRVILLE, OH—Stressing that the change in the product line was a necessary adjustment to keep apace in the digital…
Adam Sandler Unwinds After Busy Weekend Officiating 6 Back-To-Back Weddings
The post Adam Sandler Unwinds After Busy Weekend Officiating 6 Back-To-Back Weddings appeared first on The Onion. Read More…
Mom Packs Son’s Lunch Box With Leftover Fireworks
The post Mom Packs Son’s Lunch Box With Leftover Fireworks appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame,…