STIs: Myth Vs. Fact
Read MoreThe OnionSexually transmitted infections, also known as STIs or STDs, affect millions of Americans every year. The Onion debunks…
Category: The Onion
Man Allows All Cookies So Website Won’t Be Mad At Him
Read MoreThe OnionBOSTON—Saying he was more than willing to go along with the request to avoid conflict, local internet user…
Wooden Spoon Only Thing In Man’s Life That Not Giving Him Cancer
Read MoreThe OnionSPARTA, OH—Setting itself apart as a uniquely innocuous object, a wooden spoon is the only thing in local…
Dunkin’ Pastries Included In Massive Recall
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.S. Food and Drug Administration recalled about 2 million baked goods sold nationwide, including some doughnuts and…
Musk Signals Willingness To Bid More Than $97 Billion To Acquire Respect
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Stressing that he was open to going far higher to close the deal, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced…
Man So Hungry He Could Eat An Orange
Read MoreThe OnionHARTFORD, CT—Telling his skeptical friends that he was in no way being hyperbolic as he described his ravenous…
GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation
Read MoreThe OnionThe post GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation appeared first on The Onion.
Report: Honestly, Man You Saw Get Hit By Bus Can’t Stop Thinking About You Either
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—As he drifted in and out of consciousness and glimpsed memories of your eyes widening in horror, sources…
Long Time No Semen
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Long Time No Semen appeared first on The Onion.
Man With Fogged-Up Glasses Forced To Finish Soup Using Other Senses
Read MoreThe OnionST. GEORGE, UT—With the water vapor causing condensation to form on the lenses and impair his vision, local…