Nation Vies For Approval Of Cool Dog
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Hopelessly captivated by the animal’s cheerful energy and striking appearance, the U.S. populace reportedly converged upon a D.C.-area…
Category: The Onion
Trump Claims God Spared Him In Airplane Crash
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Saying it was only by divine intervention that he was still standing, President Donald Trump stated during a…
Cash-Strapped WeightWatchers Announces Butter Now Zero Points
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—In a desperate attempt to revive their floundering brand amid declining revenues, WeightWatchers officials announced Thursday that…
Only Have Franchise For You
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Only Have Franchise For You appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and…
Stain Sentimental
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Stain Sentimental appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of…
Almond Winfrey-Springsteen Cast In ‘Unfrosted 3’
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Confirming the rumors around the popular franchise were true, executive producers confirmed Monday they had cast Almond…
Visitors Flock To Sniff Flower That Smells Like Rotting Corpse ready
Read MoreThe OnionA very rare and very stinky plant, known commonly as the corpse flower, drew long lines at the…
No Matter How Many Chili Cook-Offs I Win, Everyone Still Sees Me As ‘That School Shooter’s Mom’
Read MoreThe OnionIn these scary and uncertain times, community is more important than ever. And nothing brings a community together…
New Death Row Fast Pass Allows Convicts To Skip Execution Line
Read MoreThe OnionMONTGOMERY, AL—Calling it a “revolutionary way” to experience the full wrath of the carceral state, the Alabama Department…
Palestinians Return To Devastated Northern Gaza
Read MoreThe OnionHundreds of thousands of Palestinians streamed into Gaza’s most heavily destroyed area after Israel opened the north for…