What To Know About The Jan. 6 Pardons
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Donald Trump pardoned approximately 1,500 rioters who participated in the Jan. 6, 2021 attack on the U.S. Capitol.…
Category: The Onion
Black Market Organ Dealer Tired Of Being Asked If He’s Seen ‘Squid Game’
Read MoreThe OnionJACKSONVILLE, FL—Saying he had grown irritated with all the people who wanted to know if his occupation was…
Mark David Chapman Decides To Just Go With It After Receiving January 6 Pardon
Read MoreThe OnionBEEKMAN, NY—Upon receiving the news that his name had somehow been included in an executive order granting clemency…
Biden In Critical Condition After Sticking Tongue In Marine One Chopper Blade
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Biden In Critical Condition After Sticking Tongue In Marine One Chopper Blade appeared first on The…
Better Copulate Than Never
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Better Copulate Than Never appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed…
Confused Trump Autographs Swearing-In Bible Before Handing It Back To Justice Roberts
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Hampering the chief justice’s efforts to swear him in for a second term, President-elect Donald Trump autographed the…
Sewage Sludge Used As Fertilizer Poses Health Risks
Read MoreThe OnionThe EPA warned that forever chemicals found in sewage sludge that some farmers use to fertilize fields and…
FDA Bans Red Food Dye
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.S. Food and Drug Administration has banned the use of red dye No. 3 in food, beverages,…
Egyptologists Unearth Depictions Of Simple Ramps, Levers Aliens Used To Build Pyramids
Read MoreThe OnionCAIRO—Finally solving the mystery of how such architectural wonders could have been built with primitive tools in ancient…
Pros And Cons Of Buying Greenland
Read MoreThe OnionPresident-elect Donald Trump has expressed his interest in buying Greenland, an idea he first floated back in 2019.…