Smuggler Arrested With 300 Tarantulas Strapped To Body
Read MoreThe OnionPolice in Peru arrested a man caught trying to leave the country with 320 tarantulas, 110 centipedes, and…
Category: The Onion
Nancy Mace Introduces Bill That Would Ban Trans Colleagues From Congressional Gymnastics Team
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With widespread support from her Republican colleagues, Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) introduced a bill Friday that would ban…
Trump Admits Entire Political Career Has Been WWE Storyline To Set Up Match With Cody Rhodes
Read MoreThe OnionPALM BEACH, FL—Revealing that the stage was first set in 1999 with his short-lived Reform Party run, President-elect…
Political Profile: Matt Gaetz
Read MoreThe OnionPresident-elect Donald Trump selected Matt Gaetz as his choice for attorney general. Here is what you need to…
Dying Relative Sent Quick ‘How You Holding Up?’ Text
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Dying Relative Sent Quick ‘How You Holding Up?’ Text appeared first on The Onion.
Biden Supplies Ukraine With Anti-Personnel Landmines
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Joe Biden agreed to give Ukraine anti-personnel landmines, a move criticized by humanitarian organizations that’s seen as…
Every Movement In Man’s Burrito-Eating Technique Informed By Past Burrito Tragedies
Read MoreThe OnionGLENDALE, CA—Rotating the tortilla-wrapped meal to consume the Mexican food in even levels, eyewitnesses reported Thursday that every…
Trump Boys Get Weird Feeling After Uncle Elon Shows Them Busty Anime Cat Girl
Read MoreThe OnionPALM BEACH, FL—Blushing, short of breath, and unable to look away from the image, the Trump boys told…
NASA: Potential Link Between Extraterrestrials, Giant Metal Claw Picking Up Earth
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Urging the public to remain skeptical until the object could be studied further, NASA officials confirmed during a…
Joe Biden Given Human Food As Birthday Treat
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—After bending the rules with a celebratory serving in honor of his special day, White House officials confirmed…