Category: The Onion

       ESTES PARK, CO—Noting the bag’s elongated oval shape, prominent Wilson logo, and the fact that its owner was walking…

       Anyone who didn’t know Ben Hopper, 16, would say it was cruel that he died so young. The post…

       WASHINGTON—Assuring the American people he would not let the legal system sway his judgment in any decision he makes,…

       WASHINGTON—Touting her overall cruelty and particular delight at making others feel miserably self-conscious, the White House on Monday tapped…

       NEW YORK—Slamming both hands on the circulation desk after learning he was 17th in line for Larry McMurtry’s Pulitzer…

       As she weighs a 2028 presidential run, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) announced that she is freezing her eggs, not…

       The post Announcers Watch Angels-Royals Game In Total Silence appeared first on The Onion.     Read More FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated…

       WASHINGTON—Dismissing news of the 70-story skyscraper as a “hit job” manufactured by the mainstream media, President Donald Trump downplayed…

       The post No One Translated To Foreign Players Why They Currently In Cornfield appeared first on The Onion.     Read…

       WASHINGTON—Blasting the 2-year-old’s incessant lying to the American people, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt on Thursday slammed her…