Lana Del Rey, Husband Celebrate Anniversary At Gas Station Subway
DES ALLEMANDS, LA—Holding hands and giggling as they talked the part-time fast food worker through their sandwich order, singer-songwriter…
Category: The Onion
Kash Patel Phished By Scammer Posing As Kash Patel
WASHINGTON—Despite carefully checking and double-checking the credentials of the man who reached out to him via email, FBI director Kash…
FBI Hack Exposes Thousands Of Employee Records
A cybercriminal collective known as ShinyHunters claims to have breached the FBI’s online job portal and stolen more than…
Baseball Analysts Call For New Stat Called B.L.E.P.H.
NEW YORK—Stressing that the sport’s existing suite of advanced metrics was no longer sufficient to satisfy their hunger for…
Princess Diana Releases Bombshell Memoir
LONDON—In a damning memoir filled with explosive claims about her brutal treatment by the House of Windsor, Diana, the…
Record Executives Release Katseye For Daily Half Hour Of Yard Time
LOS ANGELES—Sounding a loud buzzer to signal that the pop stars were now permitted to leave the dance studio,…
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Robert Pattinson
Primetime star Robert Pattinson is receiving widespread acclaim for his portrayal of To Catch A Predator host Chris Hansen.…
Guy Outside Obama Center Selling Cheaper Tickets To Something Called ‘Barry’s Magical Experience’
CHICAGO—Saying the man promised visitors access to the “real show,” onlookers confirmed Thursday that a guy outside the Barack…
USDA Replaces Food Stamps With One Giant Rutabaga
The post USDA Replaces Food Stamps With One Giant Rutabaga appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame,…
Hunter Arrested After Mistaking Woman For A Deer
A 74-year-old hunter was arrested on felony manslaughter charges after fatally shooting a woman whom he mistook for a…