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Tag: breaking

Prosecutors Serve Up Gourmet Dumpster DNA as Exhibit A in Brian Walshe’s ‘How to Dispose of a Body’ Masterclass
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Prosecutors Serve Up Gourmet Dumpster DNA as Exhibit A in Brian Walshe’s ‘How to Dispose of a Body’ Masterclass

Big ElephantDecember 9, 2025December 9, 2025

BREAKING: Another Bloody Rug Mystery in Liberal La-La Land – But Don’t Worry, Folks, Trump’s Still President and Winning in…

Your Burning Qs Wanted: Should We Just Hand Toddlers the Internet Like It’s a Glitter Bomb Waiting to Explode
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Your Burning Qs Wanted: Should We Just Hand Toddlers the Internet Like It’s a Glitter Bomb Waiting to Explode

Big ElephantDecember 9, 2025December 9, 2025

BREAKING: Woke Australia Declares War on Freedom, Decides Kids Belong to the State Now Well folks, it’s happened! The Aussie…

Captain Canuck: The Unsung Hero of Maple Syrup and Mediocrity or Just Canada’s Forgotten Wet Sock of a Superhero
Captain Canuck: The Forgotten Maple-Chugging, Moose-Riding, Alien-Powered Politician of the North 🇨🇦🍁
Breaking, Movie News

Captain Canuck: The Unsung Hero of Maple Syrup and Mediocrity or Just Canada’s Forgotten Wet Sock of a Superhero

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 9, 2025December 9, 2025

Oh Canada! You gave us poutine, Justin Bieber, and a hero so polite he probably apologizes to villains after punching…

IMDb Desperately Tries to Predict 2025’s ‘Popular’ Films Because Apparently We Can’t Wait to Be Disappointed
Breaking, Movie News

IMDb Desperately Tries to Predict 2025’s ‘Popular’ Films Because Apparently We Can’t Wait to Be Disappointed

FinnDecember 9, 2025December 9, 2025

BREAKING: Humans Still Obsessed With Superheroes, IMDb Reports (Shocking Absolutely No One) 😱 Oh, joy! The fine folks at IMDb—who…

“Frostpunk 1886: Because Who Needs Sunshine When You Can Freeze Your Butt Off in 11 Bit’s Latest Misery Simulator”
Breaking, Games News

“Frostpunk 1886: Because Who Needs Sunshine When You Can Freeze Your Butt Off in 11 Bit’s Latest Misery Simulator”

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 9, 2025December 9, 2025

🔥 Frostpunk 1886: Because Freezing to Death Wasn’t Depressing Enough in 2018 🔥 Brace yourselves, winter warriors! 11 bit studios…

First Official Game Based On The Boys Finally Lets You Live Out Your Superhero Fantasies (And By That We Mean Getting Exploded By Homelander)
Breaking, Games News

First Official Game Based On The Boys Finally Lets You Live Out Your Superhero Fantasies (And By That We Mean Getting Exploded By Homelander)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 9, 2025December 9, 2025

🐄 Holy Cow! The Boys Are Back—And This Time, They’re in VR So You Can Virtually Puke from Blood, Gore,…

CRADLE OF FILTH Drags Themselves Out of the Crypt for Yet Another Tour Because Apparently We Still Haven’t Suffered Enough With SUFFOCATION, GHOST BATH, and CULTUS BLACK in Tow
Events, Music News

CRADLE OF FILTH Drags Themselves Out of the Crypt for Yet Another Tour Because Apparently We Still Haven’t Suffered Enough With SUFFOCATION, GHOST BATH, and CULTUS BLACK in Tow

Chord F. DiscordDecember 9, 2025December 9, 2025

🎸🔥 BREAKING: CRADLE OF FILTH TO EMBARK ON U.S. TOUR, LOCAL VAMPIRES AND GOTH TEENS REJOICE (PARENTS, HIDE YOUR DAUGHTERS)…

Se non sai cos’è un preset modulare di Lightroom, il tuo iPhone fa foto da 2003 e tu sei ancora a Instagram 2.0
Events

Se non sai cos’è un preset modulare di Lightroom, il tuo iPhone fa foto da 2003 e tu sei ancora a Instagram 2.0

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 9, 2025

🚨 Breaking News: I Preset di Adobe Lightroom Non Funzionano Sempre! Scopri Il Segreto Sconvolgente Dei “Preset Modulari” Prima Che…

“Become an Interpreter by Training to Interpret – Because Obviously You Can’t Just Wing It in a Foreign Language”
Events

“Become an Interpreter by Training to Interpret – Because Obviously You Can’t Just Wing It in a Foreign Language”

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 9, 2025

🚨BREAKING: Free 60-Min Interpreter Training Info Session—Because Google Translate Just Won’t Cut It! 🚨 Join our *totally essential* **60-min Live…

Events

“2024 Survival Starter Pack: Stock Up on Grab Bags Before the Next Alien Invasion or Zombie Apocalypse (or Whatever Latest Doomsday Hoax)”

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 9, 2025

🚨BREAKING: Professors of Doom Lucy Easthope & Amanda Coleman host “How to Make Disasters Trendy” webinar 🚨 😂 On [insert…

Posts pagination

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Latest posts

  • BREAKING: ANTHRAX Debuts New Song ‘Its For The Kids’ Because Clearly The World Was Missing A 60 Year Old Man Screaming About Juvenile Delinquency
  • The Witcher 3 Is Getting One Last Surprise Expansion Because You Clearly Didn’t Spend Enough Hours of Your Life Playing It Already and Geralt Is Coming Back to Ruin Your Social Life Again
  • Backrooms Review: Because Who Needs Original Ideas When You Can Just Copy Paste Some Spooky Stuff and Call it a Day
  • Become a Semi Competent Leader in 3 Easy Steps Learn to Stop Freaking Out and Maybe Possibly Adapt to Change
  • Because What Every Community Needs is More Bureaucratic Red Tape to Really Give Them Some Actual Power Over Their Own Lives

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
May 2026
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