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Tag: Exclusive

It’s Hot, Dinosaurs are Tiny, and Jack’s Still a Tourist Trap: News for People Who Can’t Read
Elephant Reads CNN

It’s Hot, Dinosaurs are Tiny, and Jack’s Still a Tourist Trap: News for People Who Can’t Read

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Ah, CNN, still peddling their liberal garbage, I see. Let’s dissect today’s dose of leftist propaganda, shall we? It’s always…

VALORANT’s New Map Corrode: Prepare for Tactical Geniuses (or Just More People Yelling at You)
Breaking

VALORANT’s New Map Corrode: Prepare for Tactical Geniuses (or Just More People Yelling at You)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 22, 2025June 22, 2025

Oh, great, another map. 🙄 As if we needed more places to get headshot by 12-year-olds who somehow have the…

The Offspring inflict four whole songs on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’ viewers
Breaking, Music News

The Offspring inflict four whole songs on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’ viewers

Chord F. DiscordJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

THE OFFSPRING, those purveyors of mid-life crisis anthems, graced the stage of ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” last night (Tuesday, June…

MEGADETH Celebrates 40 Years of Murdery Business with a Jack Rack Collab That’ll Make You Say “Peace Sells… But Who’s Buying This?”
Breaking, Music News

MEGADETH Celebrates 40 Years of Murdery Business with a Jack Rack Collab That’ll Make You Say “Peace Sells… But Who’s Buying This?”

Chord F. DiscordJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Music lifestyle brand Pluginz, because apparently, music needs a lifestyle now 🙄, is cranking the lameness up to eleven with…

Duff McKagan Claims Ozzy Osbourne Stalked Him Since Childhood
Breaking, Music News

Duff McKagan Claims Ozzy Osbourne Stalked Him Since Childhood

Chord F. DiscordJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

GUNS N’ ROSES (the band that still exists, somehow) bassist Duff McKagan (who?) has graced us with a 19-minute (!!!)…

Nintendo Direct to bless us with more Donkey Kong than we asked for
Breaking, Games News

Nintendo Direct to bless us with more Donkey Kong than we asked for

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Oh, sweet merciful bananas! 🍌 Nintendo, in its infinite wisdom (or maybe just a desperate attempt to sell more Switch…

Anime Expo 2025: Crunchyroll’s Gonna Drag Some Weebs and Dubs Out Kicking and Screaming
Breaking, Games News

Anime Expo 2025: Crunchyroll’s Gonna Drag Some Weebs and Dubs Out Kicking and Screaming

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 15, 2025June 15, 2025

Oh boy, Anime Expo 2025! 🎉 Crunchyroll is gracing us with their presence, promising a “huge slew” of anime premieres…

Alice Cooper’s Band Reunion: So Smooth, It’s Practically Buttered Toast
Breaking, Music News

Alice Cooper’s Band Reunion: So Smooth, It’s Practically Buttered Toast

Chord F. DiscordJune 13, 2025June 12, 2025

In an EXCLUSIVE interview with 95.5 KLOS radio’s own dinosaur 🦖, Frazer Smith, the one and only Alice Cooper (who’s…

Classic Pop Issue 94: Still clinging to the past, bless their hearts
Breaking, Music News

Classic Pop Issue 94: Still clinging to the past, bless their hearts

Chord F. DiscordJune 12, 2025June 12, 2025

Classic Pop is officially a monthly magazine again…  Classic Pop issue 94 is on sale now, and we’re so excited to…

Jim Sheridan’s ‘Re-creation’: Finally, a chance to re-traumatize everyone with that Irish murder case
Breaking, Movie News

Jim Sheridan’s ‘Re-creation’: Finally, a chance to re-traumatize everyone with that Irish murder case

FinnJune 10, 2025June 10, 2025

Ah, Jim Sheridan, the guy who’s apparently been traumatized since the womb. 👶 According to him, his obsession with defending…

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Latest posts

  • How Microtransactions Ruined Our Lives And Forced Us To Sell Our Souls For A Few More Gems
  • Marvel’s Wolverine – Get Ready for Another Overhyped Game with Too Many Quick Time Events and a Storyline That’s Just an Excuse for More Mindless Hack and Slash Action
  • Get Ready to Have Your Mind Blown by the Most Epic Guitar Solo Documentary of the Century Featuring the Legendary Peter Frampton Whose Guitar Still Works Better Than Your Love Life
  • Oh Boy Get Ready for Another Soul Sucking Mobile Game Pokémon Champions Is Finally Coming to Ruin Your Life on Android and iOS on June 17
  • Pride Parade Forces To Change Direction After Route Takes It Within 200 Yards Of School

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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