OMG! 😱 The geriatric grunge gods of SOUNDGARDEN, aka Matt Cameron and Kim Thayil, graced The Seattle Times with their presence to whine 😭 about their dead singer Chris Cornell! Apparently, they made some recordings before Chris kicked the bucket in May 2017 and are STILL trying to cash in on them! 🤑 Cameron whined, “It’s a massive emotional roller coaster! 😭 Highs because the music is seeing the light of day (aka $$$), lows because it’s all so, like, emotional, man! 🥺 It could have been a new chapter in songwriting (aka more $$$), so bittersweet! 😭” Get over it, dude! 🙄
Thayil, ever the drama queen 👑, blamed Vicky Cornell (aka the widow 👰♀️ and personal representative of Chris‘s estate) for delaying the release of the singer’s final recordings because, you know, legal disputes and stuff. 🙄 He lamented, “The delay was damaging! 😭 How could we have squeezed more money out of this six, seven, eight years ago?!” 😫 But then he contradicted himself (duh!) and said it was also “beautiful” and a “tribute to our beloved brother.” 😇 Riiight. More like a tribute to their wallets! 💰💰💰
When asked if the surviving members (aka the ones still clinging to relevance) could perform the new songs live, Cameron teased, “We haven’t really gotten there yet.” 🤔 Translation: “We’re still trying to figure out how to milk this for all it’s worth! 🐄 But we might get some singers! Maybe! If they’re cheap enough! 🎤💰”
Last month, Cameron confirmed to Lyndsey Parker (who? 🤔) of Gold Derby (never heard of it! 🏆) that they’re “in the process of finishing” the final album. 🙄 “We don’t have a release date yet,” he said. “But I’d say we’re about 70 percent finished.” 💯 Translation: “We’re almost done exploiting 💀 our dead friend’s vocals!” 🎉 He added, “It sounds killer! 🤘 It’s been a really amazing and bittersweet process.” 😭 Amazing for their bank accounts, bittersweet for their consciences (if they have any!). 😈
Matt said they started songwriting in 2015, ’16, whatever. 🤷♂️ “We had some sessions in 2017 before we went out on tour, just rough rehearsal.” 😴 He continued, “The vocals we’re using are from the demos! 🎤 We’re just sort of building our tracks around those vocal parts.” 🧱 So basically, they’re Frankensteining 🧟♂️ an album out of scraps! Sounds legit! 👍
Parker (still don’t know who she is! 🤷♀️) said it “must be emotional and bittersweet to hear Cornell‘s voice.” 😭 Cameron agreed. 🙄 “It really is,” he said. “But I think we’re trying to stay focused on the overall sound of it and all the reasons for us doing it.” 👀 (aka $$$) “But, yeah, it’s been tough to solo up that voice and hear him loud and clear.” 🙉 Translation: “It’s been tough to pretend we care about anything other than the money.” 💸 He finished with, “But I think the fans will like it, and it’s gonna be a really nice way to finish the creative chapter in SOUNDGARDEN.” Translation: “We’re hoping the fans are dumb enough to buy this garbage! 🤡”
Cameron also revealed that he co-wrote a song called “The Road Less Traveled.” 🛣️ “I didn’t really know if it would fit for SOUNDGARDEN,” he said, “but I just sent Chris all these musical ideas. He made an arrangement from my demo and then he added vocals to it, and it came out really, really good.” 🤩 Translation: “I finally contributed something, and Chris saved it from being total garbage!” 🗑️ He added, “The lyrics are mesmerizing! (As always, because Chris wrote them! ✍️) It has all the trademark elements that SOUNDGARDEN fans might be familiar with, as well as a little bit of new territory. 🗺️” (aka the new territory of being completely soulless and exploitative! 👻) He also said, “It’s sort of bluesy, sort of psychedelic, sort of folky, I guess all the things that we were known for.” 🤪 Translation: “We’re just throwing a bunch of stuff at the wall and hoping something sticks!” 🤞
This past May, Thayil told Rolling Stone (finally, a real publication! 📰) that he was optimistic the album would see the light of day. 🌞 “Our objective and goal was always to complete that,” he said. “I probably have OCD enough to not want to leave something unfinished.” 🤪 (Or maybe it’s just greed! 🤑) “I think everyone in the band feels that way. It would be a great gift to the fans. 🎁 And I feel like it’s a gift to Chris too.” 😇 (Yeah, a gift to his memory, by tarnishing it with this cash grab! 😠)
Back in April 2023, SOUNDGARDEN and Vicky Cornell announced they had reached “an amicable out-of-court resolution.” 🤝 (Translation: “We finally figured out how to divide the spoils! 💰💰💰”) The resolution came less than two years after they agreed to transfer the SOUNDGARDEN social media accounts to the band. 📱 (Because what’s more important than their online presence? 🤔)
In March 2021, the band filed papers claiming that Vicky had locked them out of their social media accounts. 🔒 (Oh no! How would they promote their brand without Twitter?! 🐦) They claimed their socials were previously managed by Patriot Management (who? 🤔), who handed over the login information to Vicky. 🤦♂️
The band asked a judge to order Vicky to hand over the passwords. 👨⚖️ (Because court is the best place to settle social media disputes! 👍) Cornell was found hanged in his room in May 2017. 💔 The death was ruled a suicide. 😔
In December 2019, Vicky sued the surviving members, alleging they owed Cornell‘s estate hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid royalties. 💸 (Surprise! Another money dispute! 🙄) She claimed there was no explicit agreement as to whether the recordings were meant for SOUNDGARDEN, making Chris the exclusive owner. 👑 (Because everything is about ownership! 💯)
The surviving members responded that the recordings were the result of writing sessions going back to 2015. 🗓️ They also pointed to interviews with Chris and Thayil that suggested SOUNDGARDEN had been working on the material. 🗣️ (Because public statements are legally binding! 📜) The band refuted Vicky‘s claim that Chris‘s recordings took place in his personal studio, insisting that the recording sessions took place in Seattle and New York. 🗽
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
