Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: James Hetfield

Lars Ulrich Claims He Breaks a Sweat (Barely) During Metallica Gigs
Breaking, Music News

Lars Ulrich Claims He Breaks a Sweat (Barely) During Metallica Gigs

Chord F. DiscordNovember 16, 2025November 16, 2025

Well, butter my biscuits and call me a Lars apologist! 🧈 Apparently, the California Film Institute, bless their cotton socks,…

Behold: Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger Butchers Metallica’s ‘Enter Sandman’ at Sammy Hagar’s Birthday Kegger
Breaking, Music News

Behold: Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger Butchers Metallica’s ‘Enter Sandman’ at Sammy Hagar’s Birthday Kegger

Chord F. DiscordOctober 14, 2025October 14, 2025

Sammy Hagar’s annual Birthday Bash 🤮🤮🤮 brought a bunch of has-beens, never-weres, and tequila-soaked nobodies to Cabo Wabo Cantina for,…

Metallica Sells Out, Now Wants Your Blood (Literally)
Breaking, Music News

Metallica Sells Out, Now Wants Your Blood (Literally)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

So, like, METALLICA is STILL trying to be relevant by partnering with the American Red Cross. Because apparently, headbanging isn’t…

Vivian Campbell’s Pre-DIO Disaster SWEET SAVAGE Announces New Album ‘Bang’ (Your Ears)
Breaking

Vivian Campbell’s Pre-DIO Disaster SWEET SAVAGE Announces New Album ‘Bang’ (Your Ears)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 10, 2025July 10, 2025

OMG! 😱 The geriatric metal squad, SWEET SAVAGE, is BACK with an album called “Bang” hitting stores on September 12…

John Bush’s Wild Ride: From Armored Saint to Almost Metallica (But Not Really)
Breaking, Music News

John Bush’s Wild Ride: From Armored Saint to Almost Metallica (But Not Really)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 6, 2025July 6, 2025

So, apparently, some dude named John Bush, who sang for ANTHRAX (lol, remember them?) and ARMORED SAINT (who?), was almost…

GENE HOGLAN: Lars Stole My Beat, Metallica Paid My Bills (Allegedly)
Breaking, Music News

GENE HOGLAN: Lars Stole My Beat, Metallica Paid My Bills (Allegedly)

Chord F. DiscordJune 27, 2025June 26, 2025

In a recent interview with the obscure That Metal Interview podcast, DARK ANGEL drummer Gene Hoglan, bless his heart, is…

Metallica’s ‘Hometown’ Concerts: A Behind-the-Scenes Look at Their 2025 ‘M72’ Tour (Spoiler: They’re Still in San Francisco)
Breaking, Music News

Metallica’s ‘Hometown’ Concerts: A Behind-the-Scenes Look at Their 2025 ‘M72’ Tour (Spoiler: They’re Still in San Francisco)

Chord F. DiscordJune 23, 2025June 23, 2025

So, METALLICA’s tour coordinator, this dude Jon-Michael Marino (who?), gave KPIX (aka CBS Bay Area, which, let’s be honest, nobody…

METALLICA: PLUGINZ Milks Cliff Burton’s Corpse for Cash with Useless Jack Rack Collection
Breaking, Music News

METALLICA: PLUGINZ Milks Cliff Burton’s Corpse for Cash with Useless Jack Rack Collection

Chord F. DiscordJune 19, 2025June 23, 2025

Alright, buckle up, metalheads (and metal-adjacent folks who accidentally clicked on this)! 🤘 Pluginz, those masterminds of musical merchandise, are…

Perttu Kivilaakso’s Dream Collab List: Prepare for the Most Unexpected Musical Pairings EVER
Breaking, Music News

Perttu Kivilaakso’s Dream Collab List: Prepare for the Most Unexpected Musical Pairings EVER

Chord F. DiscordJune 15, 2025June 15, 2025

So, at this weekend’s prestigious (lol) Download festival in the glamorous Leicestershire, United Kingdom, APOCALYPTICA’s main cello-strummer Perttu Kivilaakso, was…

James Hetfield Spills the Beans: ‘Metallica Movie Saved My Life’ – Because Apparently, We’re All Superheroes Now
Breaking, Music News

James Hetfield Spills the Beans: ‘Metallica Movie Saved My Life’ – Because Apparently, We’re All Superheroes Now

Chord F. DiscordJune 12, 2025June 12, 2025

On Wednesday, June 11, the geriatric squad known as METALLICA hobbled into the premiere of their new cinematic masterpiece, “Metallica…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 2 3 Next

Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social July 11 2026
  • THE ORACLE SPEAKS Donald Trump posts on Truth Social July 11 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social on July 11 2026
  • Uh Oh: Mamdani’s New NYC Map Includes ‘Little Auschwitz’ In Brooklyn
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social July 11, 2026

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
July 2026
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Jun    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}