Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Metalheads

August Burns Red Guitarist Drops Mind Blowing Revelation That Personal Growth Starts With Yourself
Breaking, Music News

August Burns Red Guitarist Drops Mind Blowing Revelation That Personal Growth Starts With Yourself

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 28, 2026September 29, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my black metal t-shirt because I was so shocked to hear that August…

🌿 Metal Detox Live | 🤘 Dark Country & Southern Chaos 24/7
Videos

🌿 Metal Detox Live | 🤘 Dark Country & Southern Chaos 24/7

Chuck B. BallsySeptember 28, 2026

🐸 WELCOME TO METAL DETOX. Your ears have survived blast beats. Your neck has survived breakdowns. Your brain has survived…

Slipknot to Destroy Remaining Shreds of Your Hearing on 2027 Stadium Tour
Breaking, Music News

Slipknot to Destroy Remaining Shreds of Your Hearing on 2027 Stadium Tour

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 28, 2026September 28, 2026

I mean, who needs personal space or a social life when you can spend your summer sweating with thousands of…

COREY TAYLOR saves music with 50 year old song
Breaking, Music News

COREY TAYLOR saves music with 50 year old song

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 27, 2026September 27, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some serious rock ‘n’ roll nostalgia? 🤯 I just got word that the…

Dragonforce Embarks On Quest To Shred What’s Left Of Europe’s Eardrums
Breaking, Music News

Dragonforce Embarks On Quest To Shred What’s Left Of Europe’s Eardrums

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 25, 2026September 25, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some face-melting, ear-bleeding, and possibly soul-crushing news? 🤯 Because I’ve got it right…

Ozzy Still Alive Somehow In New Sabbath Concert Film
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy Still Alive Somehow In New Sabbath Concert Film

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 24, 2026September 24, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news? 🤯 I mean, I’m not sure if I’m ready, but…

Prong blesses us with another 3 minutes of music to ignore at the gym
Breaking, Music News

Prong blesses us with another 3 minutes of music to ignore at the gym

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 22, 2026September 22, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for this? 😒 PRONG is back, and they’re not just phoning it in, they’re…

Cannibal Corpse Drummer Whines About Being Old And Tired On Tour
Breaking, Music News

Cannibal Corpse Drummer Whines About Being Old And Tired On Tour

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 20, 2026September 20, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my desk because I’m so shocked to hear that Paul Mazurkiewicz, the drummer…

Metal Legends Too Old To Tour Without Naps
Breaking, Music News

Metal Legends Too Old To Tour Without Naps

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 19, 2026September 19, 2026

Oh no, the sky is falling! 🌪️ FORBIDDEN’s bassist Matt Camacho and drummer Chris Kontos are sitting out their upcoming…

Evan Seinfeld Calls Out 90% Of Metalheads For Being Slobs
Breaking, Music News

Evan Seinfeld Calls Out 90% Of Metalheads For Being Slobs

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 17, 2026September 18, 2026

I just spit out my beer when I heard that Evan Seinfeld, the vocalist and bassist of Biohazard, has launched…

Posts pagination

1 2 … 14 Next

Latest posts

  • Supreme Court’s Climate Case Heats Up Around Clarence Thomas
  • Couple Tries To Adult After Amassing $40,000 Credit Card Debt
  • Trump Claims Iran Has Nuclear Drug Factories Because Why Not
  • Zach Bryan Rocks Free Palestine Shirt Onstage at Gillette Stadium
  • AOC and Bernie Sanders Intro The Strokes in New York City

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.