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Trump Declares Super Bowl Too Far Away, Sends His condolences to the Families of those forced to travel the treacherous 2 miles from his Mar-a-Lago estate to the nearest stadium
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Declares Super Bowl Too Far Away, Sends His condolences to the Families of those forced to travel the treacherous 2 miles from his Mar-a-Lago estate to the nearest stadium

Big ElephantJanuary 25, 2026January 25, 2026

President Trump Makes the Smartest Decision of His Second Term: Why Would He Waste Time in Deep-Blue San Francisco Watching…

Live

Manhattan Vintage | Winter 2026 Show | January 30: Where Old Clothes Get a Second Chance at Being Overpriced

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 25, 2026

What’s it all about? Manhattan Vintage is NYC’s biggest retro fashion circus. Gothamist calls it “the Beyoncé concert of the…

Watch: URIAH HEEP Celebrates 50 Years of Existence by Finally Getting Rid of Their Only Remaining Original Member, Mick Box
Breaking, Music News

Watch: URIAH HEEP Celebrates 50 Years of Existence by Finally Getting Rid of Their Only Remaining Original Member, Mick Box

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 24, 2026January 24, 2026

Uriah Heep Kicks Off Scandinavian ‘Magician’s Farewell’ Tour in Tampere—Because Even Legends Need a Nap 😴🎸 In a move that…

Winter Storm Prep, Shark Attacks, and Cancer Trends: Because Your Day Wasn’t Already Terrifying Enough
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Winter Storm Prep, Shark Attacks, and Cancer Trends: Because Your Day Wasn’t Already Terrifying Enough

Big ElephantJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

While President Trump makes America great again, the liberal media is busy crying about snow and sharks. SAD! You won’t…

Webinar on The Emotionally Intelligent Team Actually Teaches How to Suppress Your Hate for Coworkers
Live

Webinar on The Emotionally Intelligent Team Actually Teaches How to Suppress Your Hate for Coworkers

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 22, 2026

🚀 Ready to feel the magic of emotional intelligence? 🎩✨ Vanessa Druskat is hosting a “team-building” session that promises to…

He-Man Flexes His Barely-Contained Pecs in a Nostalgia Grab So Desperate Even Skeletor Feels Bad for Him
Breaking, Movie News

He-Man Flexes His Barely-Contained Pecs in a Nostalgia Grab So Desperate Even Skeletor Feels Bad for Him

FinnJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

Oh goodie, another cinematic universe! Because what we truly, desperately needed in the year of our Lord 2024 was a…

Live

Row 24 Throws Biggest Bash of the Year So Far

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 19, 2026

CHICAGO… YEAH, WE OUTSIDE. 😂 This isn’t a random party — it’s the city-wide link up taking over Row 24…

Adrian Smith Confirms Nicko McBrain Was Slowly Dying On The Throne And They Had To Unplug His Life Support Just To Finish The Tour
Breaking, Music News

Adrian Smith Confirms Nicko McBrain Was Slowly Dying On The Throne And They Had To Unplug His Life Support Just To Finish The Tour

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 19, 2026January 19, 2026

Well, folks, gather ’round the digital campfire as we dissect the latest chapter in the Heavy Metal Bible: Iron Maiden…

305 Tailgate Takeover: The Natty Edition
Live

305 Tailgate Takeover: The Natty Edition

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 18, 2026

Behold, the ultimate scam to get you to drink overpriced beer in a parking lot: the “305 Tailgate Takeover: The…

‘Avengers: Doomsday’ and ‘Dune 3’s Opening Day Is Now Dunesday’ Because Screw Going Outside On A Wednesday I Guess
Breaking, Movie News

‘Avengers: Doomsday’ and ‘Dune 3’s Opening Day Is Now Dunesday’ Because Screw Going Outside On A Wednesday I Guess

FinnJanuary 15, 2026January 15, 2026

Oh, look! The Hollywood Industrial Complex has decided to bless us with not one, but two massive ego-stroking spectacles on…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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