Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: pre-order

Get Ready for the Most Underwhelming Experience of Your Life: New Xbox Controller and Game Pass April 2026 Lineup Revealed Because You Clearly Had Nothing Better to Do Before the ID@Xbox Showcase
Breaking, Games News

Get Ready for the Most Underwhelming Experience of Your Life: New Xbox Controller and Game Pass April 2026 Lineup Revealed Because You Clearly Had Nothing Better to Do Before the ID@Xbox Showcase

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 20, 2026April 20, 2026

Microsoft just dropped a ton of Xbox announcements, and we’re talking new Forza Horizon 6 peripherals, the latest Game Pass…

BRING ME THE HORIZON Finally Decides to Ruin Their Own Classic Album with a Cringeworthy 20th Anniversary ReRecording of ‘Count Your Blessings’ Because Nostalgia is a Cash Grab
Breaking, Music News

BRING ME THE HORIZON Finally Decides to Ruin Their Own Classic Album with a Cringeworthy 20th Anniversary ReRecording of ‘Count Your Blessings’ Because Nostalgia is a Cash Grab

Chord F. DiscordApril 13, 2026April 13, 2026

Get ready for the most epic re-recording of the century, folks! 🤣 British rockers BRING ME THE HORIZON are releasing…

Oh Joy The Devil’s Backbone is Being Re released for the Millionth Time in 4K UHD Because You Clearly Didn’t Already Own 12 Copies of This Movie
Breaking, Movie News

Oh Joy The Devil’s Backbone is Being Re released for the Millionth Time in 4K UHD Because You Clearly Didn’t Already Own 12 Copies of This Movie

FinnApril 10, 2026April 10, 2026

The most epic news ever – Guillermo del Toro’s THE DEVIL’S BACKBONE is getting a 4K restoration and we can’t…

Tina Turner’s Wildest Dreams Reissued Because You Clearly Didn’t Buy Enough Copies the First Time Around and Now You Need to Spend More Money on the Same Songs You Already Know by Heart for the 30th Time
Breaking, Music News

Tina Turner’s Wildest Dreams Reissued Because You Clearly Didn’t Buy Enough Copies the First Time Around and Now You Need to Spend More Money on the Same Songs You Already Know by Heart for the 30th Time

Chord F. DiscordApril 2, 2026April 2, 2026

Tina Turner’s Wildest Dreams is being reissued for its 30th anniversary, because who doesn’t love a good throwback 🎉? The…

Marvel Fans Can Now Drop $16,000 on a Shiny Infinity Gauntlet Replica Because Why Not?
Breaking, Movie News

Marvel Fans Can Now Drop $16,000 on a Shiny Infinity Gauntlet Replica Because Why Not?

FinnMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

Congratulations! You’re One Step Closer to Universal Domination (for Just $16,129.99) What, you thought the power to control the universe…

Hellraiser: Revival Trailer Makes Valentine’s Day a Bloody Mess of Devotion and Torment
Hellraiser: Revival Trailer Brings Devotion And Torment To Valentine's Day Celebrations
Breaking, Games News

Hellraiser: Revival Trailer Makes Valentine’s Day a Bloody Mess of Devotion and Torment

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 11, 2026February 11, 2026

Well, folks, if you were looking for a love story to warm your heart this Valentine’s Day, you’re in luck!…

BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE Revives Ancient Relic ‘Hand Of Blood’ EP—Because Nostalgia Sells
Breaking, Music News

BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE Revives Ancient Relic ‘Hand Of Blood’ EP—Because Nostalgia Sells

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 3, 2026February 3, 2026

BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE is celebrating a milestone that makes most of us feel like we just graduated high school…

Crimson Desert’s Open-World So Big, You’ll Forget Your Own Name While Traversing It
Breaking, Music News

Crimson Desert’s Open-World So Big, You’ll Forget Your Own Name While Traversing It

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 30, 2026January 30, 2026

Pearl Abyss Drops Massive New Look at Crimson Desert, And It’s Basically Skyrim With Jetpacks Well, folks, Pearl Abyss just…

“CEOs Sip Champagne at ‘Melania’ Premiere While ICE Casually Mows Down Protesters Like Grass”
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

“CEOs Sip Champagne at ‘Melania’ Premiere While ICE Casually Mows Down Protesters Like Grass”

Big ElephantJanuary 27, 2026January 27, 2026

FAKE NEWS ALERT: CNN WHINES ABOUT PATRIOTIC CEOs BACKING TRUMP AS DEEP STATE TRIES TO CANCEL MELANIA’S DOCUMENTARY! Oh wow,…

Exclusive: Clawfinger Finally Releases New Album After 19 Years — Band Confirms ‘Yes, We Forgot We Were Musicians’
Breaking, Music News

Exclusive: Clawfinger Finally Releases New Album After 19 Years — Band Confirms ‘Yes, We Forgot We Were Musicians’

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 27, 2026January 27, 2026

Oh sweet baby Ragnarök, the Swedish-Norwegian rap-metal geriatrics of CLAWFINGER have crawled out of their crypts to bless us with…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 6 7 8 Next

Latest posts

  • Lawyers Thrive in Data Centers Everyone Else Loves to Hate
  • Nation Celebrates Another Year of Existing on September 11
  • Carín León Returns To Sphere In 2027 After Record Breaking Debut
  • 9/11 Hero Dies Again After Being Mathematically Overlooked
  • Slaughter to Prevail in Houston, TX (09/10/2026)

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
September 2026
S M T W T F S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.