ARLINGTON, VA—Saying it was disappointing to enter the smoothie shop and not be greeted by streamers or decorations, local man Ryan Hunter confirmed Tuesday that workers at Sweetgrass Juicery were not as excited for his birthday as the marketing email had suggested they were. “Yesterday I got this email that was like, ‘Congratulations on your big day! We want to celebrate YOU!’ but when I told the guy at the register who I was, he didn’t even smile,“ said Hunter, adding that the two employees behind the counter just stared at him in silence after he explained that it was his birthday. “I even showed him the email on my phone, thinking he must have forgotten, but he just said, ‘Oh, yeah, I thought we stopped doing that,’ and then went to check with his manager. I thought for sure he was setting up a surprise, but instead he came back out and asked for my order and told me I couldn’t use the free coupon on the premium juices. I dressed up and everything, but they were just in their uniforms like it was a normal day. They didn’t even sing ‘Happy Birthday.’ Maybe they’re just waiting for a bigger party when I go get my birthday cookie from the bakery. After all, they know someone only turns 40 once.” At press time, the Sweetgrass Juicery manager was reportedly deleting all scheduled “Happy Birthday” email promotions.
The post Smoothie Shop Workers Not As Excited For Man’s Birthday As Marketing Email Made It Seem appeared first on The Onion.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
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