DAVENPORT, IA—In a shocking and distressing display of self-centered behavior on “this day of all days,” the grown children of Lynn Sullivan confirmed Thursday that their mom was making her birthday entirely about her. “It’s just ‘me, me, me,’ with her today. Unbelievable,” said 19-year-old son Brian Sullivan, who was reportedly upset by the lack of attention he received on his mother’s 53rd birthday that morning. “She just thinks the world revolves around her, even when it’s her birthday. She could’ve asked if maybe I might like some breakfast in bed too, but no—all she cared about was getting hers. And I guess she just decided that Aunt Becky is gonna come over for coffee later? I don’t remember agreeing to that, but okay. God, this is the exact same shit she pulled on Mother’s Day.” At press time, Sullivan expressed relief that his mom would at least still be cooking dinner that evening.
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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
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