FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—Tearfully admitting that he had been lost since his wife Linda died, grieving widower Anthony Greenwich told reporters Wednesday that he wasn’t sure he’d ever love someone his age again. “Linda was truly one of a kind, and no senior or even middle-aged woman will ever replace her,” said the 71-year-old, adding that after being married for nearly four decades, he just couldn’t see himself being attracted physically or emotionally to someone as old as she was. “There are so many amazing women out there, but Linda was the only age-appropriate woman for me. Deep down, I know Linda would want me to find a nice 40-year-old and settle down. Maybe even someone in her 30s, if she got along with our kids.” At press time, Greenwich said he knew his wife was watching over him when a series of young, foreign women began reaching out to him online.
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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.