70000 TONS OF METAL Cruise Dumps Crappy Island, Reveals Band Lineup (as if you care) For 2026 Booze Cruise
70000 Tons Of Metal, or as I like to call it, “70000 Tons of Disappointment,” has bravely announced a change…
Author: Chord F. Discord
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages."
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
BUCKCHERRY Announces Geriatric Fall 2025 U.S Tour With Some Guy Named MICHAEL MONROE
Oh, honey, get ready for the geriatric rock event of the decade! 👴👵 California’s finest (debatable) rockers, BUCKCHERRY, are crawling…
K.K. Downing’s Back! (And Apparently Metal Depended On It)
Oh, the DRAMA! 🙄 K.K. Downing, formerly of that band JUDAS PRIEST (you know, the one he dramatically QUIT 🙄),…
Carcass Announces They’re Finally Bothering to Visit North America in 2025 (If We’re Still Alive)
British extreme metal pioneers CARCASS, those lovable geezers who’ve been churning out the same old riffs since before your dad…
Puscifer, the band no one can spell, Somehow Manages to Book Two LA Gigs
🤣OMG! You guys will NEVER guess what’s happening! PUSCIFER, aka Maynard’s side-hustle when he’s not busy being cryptic in TOOL…
MEGADETH Sumo-Sized Fail: Round 2 of Embarrassment
Oh my god, can you even believe this? MEGADETH, those geriatric thrash metal dudes, are STILL trying to stay relevant…
Grammys With a War Drum: Mapuche Metal Band Mawiza Drops Sad Banger ft. Joe Duplantier
📢 BREAKING METAL NEWS – Somewhere in the Sacred Andes! Indigenous Mapuche metal warriors Mawiza just dropped a brand-new track…
Vivian Campbell’s Ego Trip: Ronnie James Dio Edition
So, Vivian Campbell, the dude who used to shred for DIO and now warms up the stage for DEF LEPPARD,…
Matt Cameron FINALLY Escapes Pearl Jam After Torturous 27-Year Sentence
Breaking News! 🚨 Matt Cameron, the guy who hits things in PEARL JAM, has finally realized he’s been playing the…
Sananda Maitreya, bless his heart, crawls out of obscurity for a UK tour after 23 years
Sananda Maitreya, formerly known as Terence Trent D’Arby (because apparently, one name wasn’t pretentious enough), announces a whopping nine-date UK…