🤣OMG! You guys will NEVER guess what’s happening! PUSCIFER, aka Maynard’s side-hustle when he’s not busy being cryptic in TOOL or moping in A PERFECT CIRCLE, is having a super-duper exclusive concert for like, 12 people in Los Angeles on August 11, 2025, at Exchange L.A. Prepare to sell your grandma’s dentures for a chance to maybe get a glimpse of Maynard’s receding hairline! 👴
These “intimate” shows, happening at the totally convenient hours of 5:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m. (because Maynard has a strict bedtime, duh 😴), are apparently the most intimate thing PUSCIFER has ever done. Which, let’s be real, is saying something considering their entire discography is basically Maynard’s therapy sessions set to music. 🎶
But wait, there’s more! 🎬 These super-exclusive, intimate, once-in-a-lifetime performances will be filmed for a “future release.” Translation: they’re gonna milk this for all it’s worth and release a live DVD that you’ll buy even though you could’ve just watched it on YouTube. 💰
Tickets are on sale now at this location. Good luck competing with the bots and the die-hard fans who probably already have Maynard’s DNA tattooed on their foreheads. 💀
So, when he’s not busy confusing everyone with TOOL‘s Fibonacci sequence-inspired riffs or being all angsty with A PERFECT CIRCLE, our man Maynard likes to “exorcise his demons” with PUSCIFER. It’s basically his musical playground where he can blend “introspective reflection” (aka complaining about fame) with “sophomoric humor” (aka dick jokes). 😂 This is evident in such highbrow titles as “V Is For Vagina” (so edgy!), “Donkey Punch The Night” (stay classy, Maynard!), and “Money $hot” (we get it, you’re rich). By 2020, the world was ending so Maynard decided to get “serious” with “Existential Reckoning”. Because nothing says “end of the world” like Maynard singing about aliens. 👽
Earlier this year, Maynard graced the Cleveland Scene with his profound wisdom, saying that PUSCIFER “has evolutionary potential.” Translation: he has no idea what he’s doing but he’s gonna keep doing it anyway. He also mentioned something about “focused play” and how he, Mat, and Carina “dovetail.” Whatever that means. 🤷♂️ Apparently, they’re working on a new album, which is “really inspirational” because he gets to see each piece “added or subtracted.” Wow, so deep. 🙄 Since they’re not in the same room, it’s “fun” to hear what someone has done. Translation: passive-aggressive emails and lots of creative differences. 💻
Back in January, Maynard dropped a bombshell on some YouTuber named Rick Beato: a new PUSCIFER album is coming in 2025! 🎉 But don’t get too excited, because they’re only “90% written.” Which means they still have to figure out how to make it sound vaguely interesting and not just like a rehash of their previous albums. 💿 He also said they have to “go back and start tracking stuff.” Translation: Procrastination at its finest. ⏳
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
