PATRIK JENSEN of THE HAUNTED Finally Figured Out How to Plug In His Guitar After 8 Whole Years
So, THE HAUNTED, those Swedish thrash metal *pioneers* (air quotes, obviously), are FINALLY gracing us with a new album, “Songs…
Author: Chord F. Discord
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages."
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
Todd Sucherman of STYX Reveals Shocking Truth: Drummers are Basically Just Flailing, Rhythmically-Challenged Garbage People
In a shocking exposé with The UK Drum Show Official Podcast (because who ELSE would interview him?), STYX drummer and…
Ron ‘Bumblefoot’ Thal: Proves Music Can Unite Even the Most Hopelessly Clueless (Probably)
Bumblefoot, the guy who played guitar in Guns N’ Roses for, like, five minutes, is now telling us all about…
Kelly Hansen Flees Foreigner Before They Realize He’s Not Lou Gramm
FOREIGNER’s Kelly Hansen, the guy who replaced the *real* voice, has decided to peace out. Apparently, screaming “Juke Box Hero”…
Big Wreck Still Exists, Apparently, Releases Song Called ‘Believer’ (Whatever)
**Oh. My. Gawd. 🙄 It’s 2025 and apparently BIG WRECK is still a thing? Like, seriously? Did anyone actually ask…
DORO Drips Out Another Banger: “Warriors of the Sea” Will Cure Your Depression (Probably)
OMG! Doro Pesch, the self-proclaimed German metal queen (more like metal court jester, amirite? 😂), has graced us with a…
MAMMOTH Plays “The End” for Mamas (Because Dads Don’t Matter, Apparently)
Folks, buckle up because MAMMOTH (formerly known as the infinitely more metal MAMMOTH WVH, because initials are *so* last year)…
SHINEDOWN Milking It: Two More Singles Before We Even THINK About Album #8 (OMG!)
BREAKING: SHINEDOWN’s Brent Smith, During Yet Another Appearance on “On With Mario Lopez” (Because Where Else Would He Be?), Claims…
Metallica Announces 2026 European Tour: Still Playing Those Same Songs, Huh
OMG! 🙄 Metallica, those lovable dinosaurs 🦕, are STILL at it! They’ve announced their “M72” tour is crawling back to…
Jerry Cantrell’s “I Want Blood” Video: Featuring Duff and Mike, Because Apparently Jerry Couldn’t Find Anyone Else
Jerry Cantrell, the dude who isn’t Layne Staley (RIP, forever missed 🥺), has dropped a new solo track called “I…