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Author: Chord F. Discord

Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages." Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories. Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
Ryan Roxie, Probably-Never-Gonna-Be-As-Good-As-Alice-Cooper Guitarist, Releases Single That’s TOTALLY ‘Better Than You’ (Says Him)
Breaking

Ryan Roxie, Probably-Never-Gonna-Be-As-Good-As-Alice-Cooper Guitarist, Releases Single That’s TOTALLY ‘Better Than You’ (Says Him)

Chord F. DiscordMay 13, 2025May 13, 2025

OMG! 😱🎸 Ryan Roxie, the guy who occasionally strums a guitar next to Alice Cooper, is back with a NEW…

Queens of the Stone Age: ‘Alive In the Catacombs’ – More Like ‘Barely Conscious In a Basement,’ Am I Right
Breaking

Queens of the Stone Age: ‘Alive In the Catacombs’ – More Like ‘Barely Conscious In a Basement,’ Am I Right

Chord F. DiscordMay 13, 2025May 13, 2025

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE, those lovable desert weirdos, are finally releasing that Catacombs thing everyone totally forgot about. Prepare…

Harley Flanagan and the missus yammer ’bout rabbit food and a movie nobody asked for 🥕🎬🙄
Breaking

Harley Flanagan and the missus yammer ’bout rabbit food and a movie nobody asked for 🥕🎬🙄

Chord F. DiscordMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

Oh, sweet lord, another washed-up hardcore dude trying to stay relevant. 🙄 Harley Flanagan, the human embodiment of a mid-life…

Lemmy’s Ghost Haunts Stoke-on-Trent: Bronze Abomination Erected
Breaking

Lemmy’s Ghost Haunts Stoke-on-Trent: Bronze Abomination Erected

Chord F. DiscordMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

On Friday, May 9, 2025, Lemmy Kilmister, the dude who made a career out of singing about speed and playing…

Gene Simmons Swears KISS Won’t Tour Again (Unless the Price is Right, LOL)
Breaking

Gene Simmons Swears KISS Won’t Tour Again (Unless the Price is Right, LOL)

Chord F. DiscordMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

In a recent chat with some dude named Kyle Meredith (who?), Gene Simmons, the self-proclaimed God of Thunder (more like…

Wes Scantlin Promises New Album Will Make You Cry (Probably From Laughter)
Breaking

Wes Scantlin Promises New Album Will Make You Cry (Probably From Laughter)

Chord F. DiscordMay 11, 2025May 11, 2025

In a new interview with Mark Strigl, PUDDLE OF MUDD frontman Wes Scantlin, the only guy keeping the “Mud” afloat…

Oh GREAT, Amy Lee (of EVANESCENCE, duh) and HALSEY Team Up for Ballerina Movie Song No One Asked For
Breaking

Oh GREAT, Amy Lee (of EVANESCENCE, duh) and HALSEY Team Up for Ballerina Movie Song No One Asked For

Chord F. DiscordMay 11, 2025May 11, 2025

OMG! 😱 Amy Lee from EVANESCENCE, yes, the “Bring Me to Life” band that your mom still listens to, has…

Dave Lombardo Reminisces About SLAYER’s “Raining Blood”: Apparently Jeff Hanneman’s GarageBand Skills Were Almost Decent
Breaking

Dave Lombardo Reminisces About SLAYER’s “Raining Blood”: Apparently Jeff Hanneman’s GarageBand Skills Were Almost Decent

Chord F. DiscordMay 11, 2025May 11, 2025

Alright, metalheads (and those who pretend to be), gather ’round and let’s dissect another “iconic” moment in metal history, shall…

David Draiman, the vocalist of Disturbed, thought proposing on stage was a totally unique and not-at-all-cliché move, proving that even metal gods can be basic AF
Breaking

David Draiman, the vocalist of Disturbed, thought proposing on stage was a totally unique and not-at-all-cliché move, proving that even metal gods can be basic AF

Chord F. DiscordMay 10, 2025May 11, 2025

OMG! 😱 Did you hear? David Draiman, the guy who screams about “Down with the Sickness” (which, let’s be honest,…

Dave Mustaine: Actually a Fluffy Bunny? Chris Adler Spills the Tea
Breaking

Dave Mustaine: Actually a Fluffy Bunny? Chris Adler Spills the Tea

Chord F. DiscordMay 10, 2025May 10, 2025

So, apparently, CHRIS ADLER, the guy who used to hit things for LAMB OF GOD (you know, that band your…

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