Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Author: Chord F. Discord

Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages." Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories. Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
Cradle of Filth Is Hiring New Slaves: Thousands of Musicians Ready to Suffer Abuse for a UK Visa
The Price of Filth: Why Musicians from Poor Countries Are Begging for the 'Hostile Work Environment' First-World Members Fled
Music News

Cradle of Filth Is Hiring New Slaves: Thousands of Musicians Ready to Suffer Abuse for a UK Visa

Chord F. DiscordAugust 28, 2025August 28, 2025

The great and terrible British symphonic black metal machine, Cradle of Filth, is once again in the spotlight. But this…

MUDVAYNE Drops ‘Hurt People Hurt People’ After Century-Long Hiatus, Proving They Still Know How To Spell ‘Edgy’
Breaking, Music News

MUDVAYNE Drops ‘Hurt People Hurt People’ After Century-Long Hiatus, Proving They Still Know How To Spell ‘Edgy’

Chord F. DiscordAugust 28, 2025August 28, 2025

Well, well, well, look who crawled out of whatever primordial ooze they were marinating in – it’s MUDVAYNE! 🤡 They’ve…

Ice Nine Kills Announces ‘Silver Scream Con London’ – Prepare for Ear Piercings and Bank Account Bleeding
Breaking, Live, Music News

Ice Nine Kills Announces ‘Silver Scream Con London’ – Prepare for Ear Piercings and Bank Account Bleeding

Chord F. DiscordAugust 28, 2025August 28, 2025

🤡 So, after gracing the U.S. with their oh-so-successful four years of… something… ICE NINE KILLS is unleashing Silver Scream…

Miss May I? More Like Miss May Cry: New Single ‘Pray For Silence’ Is Out Now (Prepare to Yawn)
Breaking, Music News

Miss May I? More Like Miss May Cry: New Single ‘Pray For Silence’ Is Out Now (Prepare to Yawn)

Chord F. DiscordAugust 28, 2025August 28, 2025

MISS MAY I, those stalwarts of Ohio metalcore that you *totally* remember from 2010, are STILL churning out “music.” Yes,…

Behold! THE GATHERING Milks ‘Mandylion’ for 30th Anniversary Bucks in Dull Dutch Town
Breaking, Music News

Behold! THE GATHERING Milks ‘Mandylion’ for 30th Anniversary Bucks in Dull Dutch Town

Chord F. DiscordAugust 28, 2025August 28, 2025

Ok, boomer, listen up! 👴 Your favorite Dutch rockers THE GATHERING—yes, the ones your dad listened to—are back with the…

AVATAR Drops New Album Title So Basic It Hurts, Unleashes ‘Tonight We Must Be Warriors’ Video (Yawn)
Breaking, Music News

AVATAR Drops New Album Title So Basic It Hurts, Unleashes ‘Tonight We Must Be Warriors’ Video (Yawn)

Chord F. DiscordAugust 27, 2025August 27, 2025

AVATAR (aka that Swedish metal band your cousin pretends to like) – featuring the majestic vocal stylings of Johannes Eckerström…

STELLAR CIRCUITS to unleash 3rd album, ‘Phantom :: Phoenix’ – Prepare for eargasms in November
Breaking, Music News

STELLAR CIRCUITS to unleash 3rd album, ‘Phantom :: Phoenix’ – Prepare for eargasms in November

Chord F. DiscordAugust 27, 2025August 27, 2025

Oh, great, another band thinks they’ve discovered fire 🔥. North Carolina’s STELLAR CIRCUITS, who apparently made some noise last year…

Cradle of Filth Minus One Dude: Still Filthy, Still Filthy-ing
Breaking, Music News

Cradle of Filth Minus One Dude: Still Filthy, Still Filthy-ing

Chord F. DiscordAugust 27, 2025August 27, 2025

CRADLE OF FILTH, those purveyors of symphonic black metal (or whatever Dani Filth is calling it these days), graced Montevideo,…

STATIC-X Bassist Reminisces About Hanging With The Prince Of Darkness: “Ozzy Was, Like, Totally Awesome, Man”
Breaking, Music News

STATIC-X Bassist Reminisces About Hanging With The Prince Of Darkness: “Ozzy Was, Like, Totally Awesome, Man”

Chord F. DiscordAugust 26, 2025August 26, 2025

So, apparently, according to PipemanRadio at the totally important Bloodstock Open Air festival (never heard of it), STATIC-X bassist Tony…

KISS Invades ‘World of Tanks’ With Enough Makeup to Trigger a Metal Detector
Breaking, Games News

KISS Invades ‘World of Tanks’ With Enough Makeup to Trigger a Metal Detector

Chord F. DiscordAugust 26, 2025August 26, 2025

Metal Fest, the festival that somehow hasn’t been canceled yet, is back in World Of Tanks Modern Armor, and this…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 78 79 80 … 133 Next

Latest posts

  • Parents Now Required For Financial Survival Apparently
  • Shane Gillis Shatters Two Guinness Comedy Records Live
  • Feds’ Story Gets Rewritten By Actual Footage Apparently
  • Ralph Norman Seeks to Fill Lindsey Graham’s Oversized Ego Void
  • Iran Foils New Bombing Attack By Disguising Itself With A Giant ‘Q’

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
July 2026
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Jun    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}