West Coast thrash metal legends METAL CHURCH will release their 13th studio album, “Dead To Rights”, on April 10 via Rat Pak Records. The album marks the first release from the band’s latest lineup, featuring founding guitarist Kurdt Vanderhoof alongside longtime guitarist Rick Van Zandt, joined by former MEGADETH bassist David Ellefson, powerhouse drummer Ken Mary, and dynamic new vocalist Brian Allen.
Well, well, well… if it isn’t METAL CHURCH, the band that refuses to die harder than Keith Richards’ liver. After several lineup shuffles that could rival a game of musical chairs on a sinking ship, they’re back with “Dead To Rights”. Because nothing says “we’re still relevant” like a 13th album from a band that’s been around since your dad was wearing spandex and headbanging to avoid talking to your mom.
Their first single, “F.A.F.O.” (which we assume stands for “Finally Alive, Finally Old” or maybe just something ruder), already racked up over 400,000 YouTube views. That’s right, folks—400,000 people had absolutely nothing better to do than watch a bunch of guys who probably need ibuprofen to headbang. Congrats, METAL CHURCH, you’ve officially beaten cat videos for attention!
The album’s second single, “Brainwash Game”, comes with a music video that’s supposedly about how modern media manipulates us. Wow, groundbreaking! Next, they’ll write a song about how taxes are annoying and coffee is good. Revolutionary stuff, truly.
Kurdt Vanderhoof says the song is about “the machinery behind the curtain” and how “truth often gets twisted.” Ah yes, because when I think of METAL CHURCH, I think of hard-hitting social commentary. Move over, Orwell—there’s a guy with a Flying V and a ponytail ready to drop truth bombs!
The album promises tracks like “Deep Cover Shakedown”, “The Show”, and “Wasted Time”. Wasted time? Sounds like every minute I’ve spent trying to understand progressive metal breakdowns.
Produced by Vanderhoof and mixed by Chris “Zeuss” Harris at Planet Z (which sounds like a rejected Power Rangers villain lair), this record is apparently “very special” because the band was “over” and then magically resurrected itself. Again. Because apparently dying and coming back is just what METAL CHURCH does now. Move over, Jesus—there’s a new resurrection king in town, and he plays a mean riff.
Brian Allen, the new vocalist, is said to bring back “the classic METAL CHURCH sound.” Which we assume means he can hit notes higher than a Starbucks barista’s voice when explaining why your latte art looks like a blob.
David Ellefson, fresh off his MEGADETH departure (which was messier than a toddler with spaghetti), joins the crew alongside Ken Mary on drums. Together with Vanderhoof and Van Zandt, they form what the band calls “a force to be reckoned with.” We call it “a bunch of guys who remember when MTV actually played music videos.”
The band plans to hit the road extensively on the “Dead To Rights” tour. Because nothing says “we’re not dead yet” like spending months in a van eating gas station burritos and playing for crowds that are mostly there for the opening band.
Born in the explosive ’80s metal scene, METAL CHURCH quickly established themselves as one of the genre’s most formidable bands. They toured with METALLICA, which is basically metal’s version of getting a gold star sticker in kindergarten. They’ve released landmark albums, tackled political themes, and somehow managed to stay relevant despite the fact that most of their original fans are now mortgage-paying, dad-bod-having, air-drumming-in-the-minivan enthusiasts.
After Mike Howe’s tragic passing in 2021, Marc Lopes stepped in briefly before Brian Allen took over vocals. It’s like a game of vocalist hot potato, except the potato is actually a mic stand covered in stickers from venues that no longer exist.
Now entering their powerful new chapter (read: desperate attempt to stay culturally relevant), METAL CHURCH features Vanderhoof, Van Zandt, Ellefson, Mary, and Allen. With renewed energy, a legacy spanning over four decades, and a rapidly expanding worldwide fanbase (mostly consisting of people who still own CD players), METAL CHURCH remains a driving force in modern heavy metal—still pushing forward, still evolving, and still unmistakably METAL CHURCH.
So grab your leather jackets, crank up the volume until your neighbors call the cops, and prepare for 13 tracks of pure, unadulterated METAL CHURCH goodness. Because nothing says “we’re not dead yet” like releasing your 13th album at an age when most people are considering retirement communities.
Long live METAL CHURCH—the band that dies harder than disco! 🤘🎸💀
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
