Sabrina Carpenter Undergoes State-Mandated Lobotomy To Cure Nymphomania
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Confirming that doctors had performed the procedure successfully, sources reported Friday that Sabrina Carpenter had undergone a…
Jackal.Today satirical news site
Jackal.Today satirical news site
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Confirming that doctors had performed the procedure successfully, sources reported Friday that Sabrina Carpenter had undergone a…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources within the Trump administration, Texas Republicans tipped off the State Department about the city…
OMG! 😱 The Academy is finally throwing a bone to Tom Cruise, giving him an Honorary Oscar! 🏆 You know,…
Read MoreThe OnionHOUSTON—Recounting the deeply spiritual event as one that was life-changing but contractually difficult to articulate, area man Kyle…
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Concerns over the harsh treatment endured by the league’s brightest and most popular star grew last night,…
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Expressing concern that the small aircraft was going to accidentally hurt itself in its panic, passengers at O’Hare…
LONDON — Local obstetrician Doctor Roger Davidson was arrested this morning after he allegedly misgendered the baby he just finished…
OMG! 😱 ‘Spaceballs 2’ is actually happening! Like, for realz? 🤣 I thought Mel Brooks was, like, a fossil by…
Oh, look, another soulless live-action remake nobody asked for! 🙄 Yes, friends, ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ is back, and…
Read MoreThe OnionCHATTANOOGA, TN—In the midst of an armed bank robbery that authorities said is still ongoing, an unidentified gunman…