Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

VR Headset Makes Kid Commit Yeet Mom
Elephant Reads CNN

VR Headset Makes Kid Commit Yeet Mom

Big ElephantJune 12, 2025June 12, 2025

Oh, Milwaukee, Milwaukee. What’s next? A 10-year-old commie, probably raised on soy milk and socialist propaganda, shoots his mom because…

Waukesha Condo Owners Still Alive After Almost-Building Incident, Celebrate With Cake
Elephant Reads CNN

Waukesha Condo Owners Still Alive After Almost-Building Incident, Celebrate With Cake

Big ElephantJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

Another day, another disaster, probably caused by some woke engineer who was too busy virtue signaling to check the structural…

High School Jocks Discover Veterans Aren’t Just NPCs in a War Movie
Elephant Reads CNN

High School Jocks Discover Veterans Aren’t Just NPCs in a War Movie

Big ElephantJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

Oh, isn’t that precious? These young, probably God-fearing, football players are helping veterans. Finally, some good news that doesn’t involve…

From “I Do” to “I Mow”: She Swore to Uphold the Sacred Tree-Chopping Vows
Elephant Reads CNN

From “I Do” to “I Mow”: She Swore to Uphold the Sacred Tree-Chopping Vows

Big ElephantJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

Oh, the heartwarming tale of a Christmas tree farm in Wooster, Ohio! It’s just precious how Rita Dush is keeping…

Oh, the Horror: “Puppy Mill” Unearths a Whopping 200 Fluffy Felons in Ocean County
Elephant Reads CNN

Oh, the Horror: “Puppy Mill” Unearths a Whopping 200 Fluffy Felons in Ocean County

Big ElephantJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

Oh, the horror! Another day, another leftist sanctuary turning into a cesspool. Seems like these “animal lovers” were too busy…

Hospitals: The New Five-Star Orphanage for DCS Drop-offs
Elephant Reads CNN

Hospitals: The New Five-Star Orphanage for DCS Drop-offs

Big ElephantJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

Another day, another disaster courtesy of the Democrat-run state! Can you believe this nonsense? These poor kids are stuck in…

Lexington’s Downtown Gets a Grip: Road Closures and Detours for a Parade (Yes, Another One)
Elephant Reads CNN

Lexington’s Downtown Gets a Grip: Road Closures and Detours for a Parade (Yes, Another One)

Big ElephantJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

Oh, the horror! Lexington, SC, is shutting down for a Christmas parade! Can you believe the woke mob is letting…

Local Car Dealership Lightly Emptied of Some Overpriced Metal
Elephant Reads CNN

Local Car Dealership Lightly Emptied of Some Overpriced Metal

Big ElephantJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

Folks, can you believe this? $200,000 worth of American muscle, GONE! Stolen from a dealership in Thomaston, Georgia. You know…

Mama Bear YEETS Trash Panda Away From Tiny Human
Elephant Reads CNN

Mama Bear YEETS Trash Panda Away From Tiny Human

Big ElephantJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

Another day, another victim of the radical left’s open-borders policy – this time, it’s a five-year-old girl attacked by a…

Car Goes Zoom, Then Bang-Bang: Cops Win Again
Elephant Reads CNN

Car Goes Zoom, Then Bang-Bang: Cops Win Again

Big ElephantJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

Another day, another crime in the once-great city of New York, now a liberal hellhole! A car chase, a shootout…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 347 348 349 Next

Latest posts

  • GOP Now Losing Ground In Areas They Used To Own
  • THE ORACLE SPEAKS: White House touts task force successes on new website
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Federal judge clears path to end Haiti TPS after Supreme Court ruling
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Trump to host over 120 Team USA Winter Olympians and Paralympians
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald Trump claims US has massive amounts of munitions

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.