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Category: Babylon Bee

‘Man, People Are Going To LOVE Reading This One,’ Says Moses While Writing Leviticus
Babylon Bee

‘Man, People Are Going To LOVE Reading This One,’ Says Moses While Writing Leviticus

FinnApril 11, 2025

MOUNT SINAI — Hot off the success of Genesis and Exodus, Moses expressed confidence that everyone would love his follow-up…

China Trade War Update: Trump Classifies Panda Express As Domestic Terror Organization
Babylon Bee

China Trade War Update: Trump Classifies Panda Express As Domestic Terror Organization

FinnApril 11, 2025

U.S. — Following dueling tariff increases heading into the weekend, no end to the trade war between China and the…

Man Can’t Wait For America To Finally Be Great Again So He Can Stop Wearing Itchy Trucker Hat
Babylon Bee

Man Can’t Wait For America To Finally Be Great Again So He Can Stop Wearing Itchy Trucker Hat

FinnApril 10, 2025

TUSTIN, CA — Louis Silverton, a longtime supporter of President Trump, says he can’t wait for America to finally be…

Israelite King Would Just Once Like Prophets To Say God Is Pleased and Everything Is Dandy
Babylon Bee

Israelite King Would Just Once Like Prophets To Say God Is Pleased and Everything Is Dandy

FinnApril 10, 2025

SAMARIA — According to insiders, King Ahab of Israel lamented a recent meeting he had with the prophet Elijah, admitting…

Man Checks News To See Whether Retirement Account Bankrupt Or Has A Million Dollars
Babylon Bee

Man Checks News To See Whether Retirement Account Bankrupt Or Has A Million Dollars

FinnApril 10, 2025

RICHMOND, VA — As part of a new morning routine, local man Reggie Hayes checked the news to see if…

White Sox Introduce New Premium Indoor Suites With No Windows So You Don’t Have To Watch The White Sox Play
Babylon Bee

White Sox Introduce New Premium Indoor Suites With No Windows So You Don’t Have To Watch The White Sox Play

FinnApril 10, 2025

CHICAGO, IL — Devoted White Sox fans were overjoyed last week to discover that Rate Field had just been fully…

Liberals Devastated As Stock Market Recovers
Babylon Bee

Liberals Devastated As Stock Market Recovers

FinnApril 9, 2025

NEW YORK, NY — Local stockbroker and lifelong Democrat Dean Watter fell into utter despair today, tears falling from his…

Jasmine Crockett Floats Down Mighty Mississippi To Purchase Fresh Shipment Of Mexican Slaves
Babylon Bee

Jasmine Crockett Floats Down Mighty Mississippi To Purchase Fresh Shipment Of Mexican Slaves

FinnApril 9, 2025

NATCHEZ, MS — Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett was seen smoking a corncob pipe and playing a diddy on her banjo as…

Winnie The Pooh Destitute As Trump Enacts 150% Tariffs On Hundred Acre Wood
Babylon Bee

Winnie The Pooh Destitute As Trump Enacts 150% Tariffs On Hundred Acre Wood

FinnApril 9, 2025

HUNDRED ACRE WOOD — Local bear Winnie the Pooh has reportedly been left completely destitute after Trump enacted 150% tariffs…

Op-Ed: How About Genetic Scientists Try Making Young Men Who Aren’t Little Sissy Boys
Babylon Bee

Op-Ed: How About Genetic Scientists Try Making Young Men Who Aren’t Little Sissy Boys

FinnApril 9, 2025

Down at the VFW today, the boys were saying that some boneheads used a bunch of test tubes to make…

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