LeBron James: ‘I’m Taking My Receding Hairline to Philly’
LOS ANGELES, CA — LeBron James has made the final free agency decision of his career, announcing that he…
Category: Babylon Bee
Wells Fargo Explains That Yes, They Gave All Your Money To A Hobo Named Frank, But Will Make Things Right By Coming To Your House To Murder You
HOUSTON, TX — Representatives for Wells Fargo explained to local customer Jim Stephens that they did give all of…
CVS Clerk Reminds Looter To Enter Rewards Number Before Fleeing
SANTA MONICA, CA — According to sources, a CVS employee kept a clear head amid the chaos of a…
Heaven Confirms Prayer Hands Emoji Counts As Actually Praying For Someone
HEAVEN — Millions breathed a sigh of relief today as Heavenly sources confirmed that sending a prayer hands emoji…
Old Spice Introduces New Libertarian-Strength Deodorant
U.S. — Procter & Gamble announced a new breakthrough in male grooming products on Friday with the introduction of…
Trump Asks Democrats At Correspondents’ Dinner To Hold All Assassination Attempts Until He Finishes Speech
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In order to limit interruptions at tonight’s White House Correspondents Dinner, President Donald Trump requested that…
With 45 Days Left Until Labor Day, Wife Unveils Pumpkin Spice Advent Calendar
CONCORD, NH — Labor Day, and the symbolic start of pumpkin spice season, is just a short 45 days…
Mamdani Condemns The Rise In Violence Against Jews Since He Declared War On Them
NEW YORK, NY — After personally declaring war on the Jewish people, Mayor Zohran Mamdani issued a forceful condemnation…
New Yorker Being Stabbed On Street Corner Glad To Know Mamdani Focused On Bringing Netanyahu To Justice
NEW YORK, NY — As a mugger repeatedly stabbed him on a Manhattan street corner, local resident Ethan Wallace…
OSHA Fines Construction Site For Failure To Blare Mariachi Music
LOS ANGELES, CA — A construction site in the downtown area was fined several thousand dollars on Thursday after…