Morpheus Offers 40-Year-Old Man Ibuprofen Or Pepto-Bismol
UNKNOWN LOCATION — The infamous hacker known as Morpheus reportedly encountered a desperate 40-year-old, where he offered the man the…
Category: Babylon Bee
Jumping The Shark? Hallmark Releases Christmas Movie SET IN SPACE
U.S. — Concerns have arisen that the Hallmark Channel has finally exhausted its supply of movie plots after the network…
Daniel Penny Judge Tells Jury To Go Back And Deliberate Again Until They Come Back With The Correct Verdict
NEW YORK CITY — Judge Maxwell Wiley has ordered the jury in Daniel Penny’s trial to go back and keep…
Wife Pops Into Bathroom For Quick 97-Minute Shower
NORFOLK, VA — Local woman Julie Adamson jumped into the shower this morning for a brief shower clocking in at…
The Babylon Bee Presents: More Accurate Wedding Vows For Him And Her
Since marriage vows don’t always accurately depict what happens in a marriage, they can set unrealistic expectations. Read MoreBabylon Bee
Prosecutors Warn Daniel Penny Acquittal Could Lead To Rampant Acts Of Heroism
Read MoreBabylon Bee
13 More People Biden Is Considering Pardoning
President Joe Biden has been under fire this week for pardoning his son, Hunter, leaving political experts and the general…
Cunning Adam Casually Suggests Eve Try Shorter Haircut
EDEN — The local man who had been given dominion over the earth reportedly attempted to raise the temperature in…
Study: 100% Of Your ‘Super Smash Bros.’ Losses Are Because You Had The Bad Controller
U.S. — According to the findings of a groundbreaking new study, 100% of your Super Smash Bros. losses only happened…
‘Pete Hegseth Is Problematic,’ Says Room Full Of Satanic Pedophiles
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yet another of President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet nominees continued to face an uphill battle for conformation from…