Uh Oh: Saint Peter Starts Asking Everyone At Pearly Gates To List Five Ways They Advanced God’s Kingdom On Earth
HEAVEN — Individuals waiting in line to enter their eternal home were struck with fear, as they realized Saint Peter…
Category: Babylon Bee
Walmart Introduces Mobility Crane To Lift Shoppers Into Their Mobility Scooters
BENTONVILLE, AR — Walmart has introduced handy new “Mobility Cranes” in order to lift heavier shoppers in and out of…
Male Friend Who Responded To Text Within 24 Hours Obviously Gay
U.S. — Local man Trevor Woden accidentally came out of the closet earlier this week by responding to a text…
Here Is The Federal Employee Union’s List Of 10 Demands To The Trump Administration
Read MoreBabylon Bee FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer,…
NSA Agents Horrified People Spying On Their Personal Conversations
FORT MEADE, MD — A group of federal employees expressed feelings of shock and outrage over blatant violations of their…
Jake Tapper Announces New Book: ‘The Search For The Man Who Peed Jake Tapper’s Pants’
U.S. — CNN anchor Jake Tapper has announced a new book coming this May entitled The Search For The Man…
Federal Judge Declares Constitution Unconstitutional
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A federal appellate judge delivered a heavy blow to the Trump administration today, issuing a stunning ruling…
Laid-Off IRS Agents Now Forced To Go Door To Door Robbing People Directly
U.S. — The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) is the most recent government agency affected by the rule of DOGE, with…
Trump Signs New Order That All Female Video Game Characters Must Be Hot Now
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move praised by conservative gamers, Trump has signed a new executive order that all female…
Crenshaw Tries To Kill Tucker But Instead Runs Into A Pole (Because He Has No Depth Perception)
BOCA GRANDE, FL — Dan Crenshaw’s plan to hunt and kill conservative personality Tucker Carlson was foiled again when he…